Dillon to clean up the Cool Whip spatula when she was done with it.
And yes, his shirt does say, "Baby's First Thanksgiving." And the sleeve says, "Gobble."
Eli and I caught a break on the kitchen rug.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:55 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Animal Kingdom, Anna, Dad, Dillon, Holidays, Justin, NaBloPoMo, Photography, Ronnie, Thanksgiving, The Fam
* Family, for letting me live at home, for understanding the place I'm in, for trying hard to recognize that I am different than I was, for loving me even when they don't understand me, for supporting me and being there.
* Friends, for knowing when to ask how things are and when not to, for calling and emailing to check in, for reminding me that -whether here or elsewhere - they are there for me, for encouraging me to do what I need to do, for telling me I'm not crazy, for making me laugh
* Rain, which fell fast and hard this morning making puddles, which I hadn't seen in months
* Good books, which take me anywhere I want to go, and writing, in which I can take myself anywhere I want to go
* Health, both the kind The Medicine seems to be giving me and the general kind - I really do forget just how lucky I am
* Kudzu, dear sweet furry toilet-paper-strewing creature who warms my heart
* Dreams, the kind that entertain me - sometimes inform me, scare me, thrill me - while I sleep and the kind that give me hope for the future, anticipation of what Could Be.
* Today, it's all we get. All we're promised. I recently heard someone say that worry is using today's energy to carry tomorrow's burdens. I should pay heed to that advice. Say thanks today. Say I love you today. Laugh today. Eat well today - make sure you have dessert.
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:34 PM
1 cat calls
More thoughts on Books, Dreams, Friends, Gratitude, Happy Things, Holidays, Kudzu, Medication, NaBloPoMo, Thanksgiving, The Fam, Weather
Several people asked me over the weekend how long I had been back in Georgia. The first time, I looked to the left, calculating in some empty space above my head. "Almost seven months," I said. And then I said it again and again. Oh, wow, I thought, almost seven months.
After a few times, it occurred to me that this is a tipping point. No matter what, this year will be one in which I spent the majority of the year in Georgia. It can no longer be a North Carolina year. As though some proverbial scoring has been tallied, I realized that I'm mostly Georgian now and less of a Carolinian. And I'm not sure how I feel about this shift in the balance of things...this dive toward more of one and less of the other. It's an odd feeling, particularly because this time last year, I was announcing The Big Move to my family. And that alternately feels like yesterday and years ago. It was a tipping point then, to move forward with something I had been thinking about, and, now, it is that uncertain feeling of the slightest movement working in concert with gravity to pull me in another direction.
Posted by
ashley
at
11:38 PM
0
cat calls
More thoughts on At Home, NaBloPoMo, Second Thoughts, The Big Move, Wilmywood
I've been somewhat overcome by the "woe is mes" over the past few months. And it's true that I haven't been feeling up to snuff for a greater part of that time. But lately, through six degrees of separation or less, I've been touched by some tragedies that remind me what a delicate balance life is. A friend lost a baby at eight months - a baby boy he was excitedly expecting. And Vesta lost a very dear friend, who was also a person for whom I held great affection. And then today, I found out one of my new friends from the Atlanta office lost her father last night.
The office visited the hospital today as a service project to celebrate the Thanksgiving season. We were providing lunch to the nurses and staff on the oncology unit. The Boss and I went to visit one of the patients: an 86-year-old blind woman whose breast cancer surgery site had become infected. And she was hoping to go back to the nursing home for Thanksgiving. She had no real family to speak of, but she told us that she was doing alright for 86. She said she still had her mind and her independence and she was doing real good and she was blessed.
Later in the day, one of the patients called the office to thank us for the leave-behind goodie bags which included a hand-crafted paper-and-yarn turkey made by The Violinist.
A few words and a paper turkey are blessings to some. And I should remember that - when I focus too much on the challenges and forget to be gracious about the opportunities, the good things...the moments I slip away from disaster or illness or even death without even know it. All those moments when all I see is cloud and just behind is a beautiful silver lining.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:30 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on Gratitude, Holidays, Ills, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, Thanksgiving
2 days until Thanksgiving
+
6 days' worth of work
=
11 o'clock, clocked in
Posted by
ashley
at
11:04 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on Mondays, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, Under Pressure
At dinner Friday night
Me: "It reminds me of Max Headroom."
The rest of the dinner table: "Who?"
Me: "Max Headroom? He was...wait. How old are you guys?"
A chorus of 22s and 23s.
____________
Standing outside of a very chic shoe store in Savannah.
Possible Connection Person: I wish...I wish I could stomach spending that much for shoes. They were really cute.
Me: Yeah, me, too.
Possible Connection Person: Sometimes I hate being so responsible.
____________
On the elevator
ATown Coworker (to The Rockstar): "Hey did you know you're the only single guy at the firm?"
The Rockstar: I guess I'd never thought about it...
Me: What about (ATL coworker)?
The Rockstar: Well, um...yeah. I mean. He's...he's single. But he doesn't like girls."
(How did I miss this??)
_____________
At lunch at Lady & Sons, Paula Deen's restaurant
ATL Coworker: I'm disappointed. I can't believe the menu. This food is so bad for you.
Me: Do you know who Paula Deen is?
____________
In the lobby, preparing to depart and a female coworker from ATL who sat with me at breakfast approaches. She holds out one arm.
Her: Hey, Ashley!
Me (leaning in slightly awkwardly to hug her): It was great to meet you this weekend.
Her: Um, yeah. I was hoping you could take me and my husband to the airport.
Oops, I hugged a coworker.
___________
Yesterday out shopping, we run into one of the two owners of the company. The rest of the crowd with me goes into the Marc Jacobs store. I stand on the sidewalk talking to The Boss.
The Boss: We sure are glad you joined the company.
Me: Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
(I know for certain this is at least the sixth time I've had this conversation with him.)
____________
Friday night at the 80s prom
ATown Coworker: You say you're an introvert, but I'll never believe you after tonight.
Me: Liking to dance and liking people are two very different things.
Posted by
ashley
at
8:45 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Dancing Machine, Embarassment, Food, Hugs, Money Matters, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, Oops, Savannah, Shoes Glorious Shoes, Things People Say
late for happy hour * another spectacular sunset * lunch @ lady & sons * boutique shopping * my genius face * encounters with possible connection people * new shirt * $400 shoes (i didn't buy) * lots of coffee * up til 1:30 a.m. * dancing machine (watch me get down) * old buildings * cobblestone streets * laughing * group sing-along to "total eclipse of the heart" * fabulous 80s prom * gotta dash
Posted by
ashley
at
7:01 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Chronic Lateness, Dancing Machine, Food, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, Travel
Right now, I am sitting alone in a hotel room with a king-sized bed on the sixth floor that overlooks the Savannah River. Right now, darkness is squeezing the last of the color down to the horizon so that the skyline is black as charcoal against the blush of pink. Right now, I am looking down at a river, flowing fast past old buildings, new buildings, boats docked at its edge. Right now, there is a bridge in the distance. Right now is a very odd reflection of my old life looking back at me. And fittingly enough, I am on the other side of the Savannah from the city...so it really is like looking at my old life across the Cape Fear from a different vantage point.
Earlier, I sat in a meeting where people said "we" a lot. And about halfway through, I realized that I'm included in that we. I am part of the we. I am a cog in this machine. I stand under their umbrella. And when they talk about the company as a family, they consider me part of that tree. At first, it was odd. And then someone said something funny, and I got it because, after three months, I finally sort of understand how we work. And I laughed and looked around me, and thought, Okay.
That's all...just...right now...okay.
Posted by
ashley
at
5:47 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on Acceptance, Aha Moments, Humor, Medication, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, Savannah, The Big Move, Travel
It's back. It's time to gather round, people, and make it work. And last night's premier of Project Runway promised all the drama, cattiness and fashion that make it so magically delicious. So here's how the competition stacks up.
Carmen - I like her, but she also has that sort of aggressive Laura-vibe about her. I thought her design last night was interesting even if I didn't love it. Prediction: A strong contender to make it through to the late stages unless overconfidence or bizarre design get in her way.
Chris - A wild card. I liked his dress last night - I thought the purple fabric was gorgeous. He could also teeter toward one of those whose designs never have the wow factor. Prediction: Must wait and see.
Christian - The New Austin Scarlett. Love him. Love his wacky haircut. Love his sass. Love all of his interviews. And liked his design - didn't love the fabric, but I thought the design was interesting. Prediction: Strong contender for the final three.
Elisa - Totally bizarre and over the top. I think she's the new Vincent. And not in a good way. Prediction: Auffed over extreme creative differences with the judges (but great television while she's still around).
Jack - Beautiful dress. I thought was lovely and wearable. Which may get him into trouble for not establishing a stronger point of view. Prediction: A strong contender, although from the previews, it looks like something horrible will be revealed by him at some point.
Jillian - I think Jillian has potential, but for some reason, I can see her being one that has a challenge where she totally flips out and doesn't get it done. Prediction: Auffed in the later part
Kevin - He's trying to be the new Jeffrey/Santino with his elegance-with-an-edge. Didn't love his work last night, but I reserve judgment here. Prediction: Another wait and see.
Kit Pistol - I like Kit Pistol (just because I think that's an awesome name) and I think she has a strong and different POV. I could see her hanging in there into the late game. Prediction: Contender.
Marion - I noticed last night that Marion was largely ignored in the storyline, which made me wonder how important he'll be. I felt totally blase about his garment a la Robert last season. Prediction: (Yawn) Auffed early
Rami - Fabulous. Beautiful garment. I hope he doesn't get drape-obsessed like Uli did with the billowy dresses. Could be my one sticking point with him. Prediction: Definite contender for top three.
Ricky - Three words: What happened to Andre? Prediction: Auffed, but not before a spectacular meltdown
Simone - Boring. Auffed. Reminded me of the first one to go in Season 2, who, sadly, was from Georgia.
Steven - Steven, Steven, Steven. Could be fabulous. Or take a total turn for the worst. I think, if Steven keeps his head together, that he could be a contender. Prediction: Possible maniac, possible fashionista.
Sweet P - Hmmm. I get a bad feeling about Sweet P - like she's going to annoy me to no end and produce clothes that she really likes and believes in and will justify til she's blue in the face even though we can all tell they're ugly. Like Angela last season? Prediction: Auffed at the halfway.
Victorya - She definitely got the Kara Saun/Chloe Dao vibe about her. She's very together, less eccentric than the other designers. I'm expecting elegant, chic work from her that I totally love. Prediction: Judges will coo over her consistency. Final three contender.
Thoughts, fellow ProRun aficionados?
Posted by
ashley
at
10:24 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on Fashion, NaBloPoMo, Predictions, Project Runway, Reviews, TV
I know this is kind of a cop-out post. But, hey, I'm bringing a blog a day and Project Runway was on tonight (I heart Christian!) - I get a Get Out of Blog free card every now and then. Make it work, people. And please, try to see the humor.
Posted by
ashley
at
11:23 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Humor, More On Me, NaBloPoMo, Project Runway, Stuff I Find
Throughout the day, I tend to write down an ongoing list of things to remember on a post-it note stuck to my desk - some are things to do, some the beginnings of blog posts and others are mysteriously vague. Inevitably, these notes end up stuck in the bottom of my purse or in pockets. Here's a sampling of those sorted through this evening:
* Jeans
* Prom jewelry
* War with the rock star
* Olives
* Knitters
* Shred credit card bills
* Check out Heatmiser
* The Gates of Hell
* Jenny Ray's birthday (see? I didn't forget altogether...)
* Bathroom stall
* Call STGD
* International Delights
* "Wide Unbroken Skies"
* Don't forget Mel
* 8:30 sharp, out by 9:30
* House is on tonight
* Mom - side dish, insurance
* B Spears new album?
Posted by
ashley
at
10:10 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Birthday, Lists, Mom, Music, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, STGD, Stuff I Find, TV
Today at work, I was ridiculously busy. Which is not surprising, considering I put time in on both Saturday and Sunday to keep a project moving forward. I left the office at six, returned to the office "virtually" at 6:45 and left again at 8:30. But I still had a square meal - crab-stuffed tillapia, stir-fried vegetables, cous-cous. And when I go to bed, my sheets will be clean. Tomorrow, I'll put on freshly-laundered clothes.
These perks come with living at home. Mama kindly fixes dinner every night - and it's usually balanced and nutritious. And I confess - and here, I admit how very spoiled I've become - she packs my lunch. She does the laundry - and she's a fanatic about it. Even though she showed me how to use the new washing machine, she doesn't want me to use it. Because she likes the laundry done a certain way. If she goes to Wal-Mart, she calls to see if I need anything: shampoo, mascara, granola bars.
And so, since I've moved home, I'm eating better - not that it was hard to surpass Cheerio's and Alfredo Broccoli Lipton Noodles most days. I'm clean and pressed - an improvement over not having a washer and dryer and trying to get by with wearing that shirt onemoretime. I'm stocked up and haven't been to Wal-Mart in weeks. And I figure, this is how men have it all. It's not because they're men. It's because they have wives.
Posted by
ashley
at
9:47 PM
10
cat calls
More thoughts on Culinary Abililities, Food, Mom, NaBloPoMo, Think About It
Quietly, cautiously, I mark off the fifteenth day. The incessant hum in my brain seems to be lessening...a distant buzz. My heart is calm, its regular steady pulse instead of an erratic skid. Slumber goes on uninterrupted, and my biorhythms seem to have time to sink into the dark quiet instead of dancing around while I have my eyes closed.
And aside from that, life is getting, perhaps, easier? It is easier to breathe. And to laugh. And to make it through the day without thinking about purposefully stepping out into oncoming traffic.
At the same time, I'm afraid to consider this thing knocked out. Is it just wishful thinking? Is it just a blissful placebo effect? Or is it truly down for the count? One thing is for sure - if it comes back at me, the gloves are coming off.
Posted by
ashley
at
9:17 PM
6
cat calls
More thoughts on Ills, Medication, NaBloPoMo, Panic, Peaceful, Side Effects, Waiting
Dad: "Ashley, are the Spice Girls still together?"
Me: "Well...actually, yes. They just reunited...why?"
Dad: "I just wondered."
Me: "Wow...questions I never thought my dad would ask me."
Dad: "Why not? That's who we're listening to."
Me: "No, Dad. This is the Dixie Chicks."
Yesterday morning I read this article in the Wall Street Journal about the "7 Missing Wonders." It outlines seven missing treasures - some from the ancient world like Nefertiti's tomb and some from history as recent as World War II with the disappearance of The Amber Room. It could be my recent ruminations on Choose Your Own Adventure books that piqued my fascination or it could be the fantastic interactive treasure map that accompanies the story.
For the rest of the day, I thought about those missing artifacts, possibly somewhere in the world, possibly hidden by someone and shuttled from place to place to keep it so. Or resting quietly fathoms below the oceans, moldering on the ocean floor. Or simply nonexistent figments of a fictioneer's imagination. In some cases, the answer would probably be disappointing; in others, the answer could be even more sensational than we think. Whatever the case, I found it sort of thrilling that there is still real mystery in the world - delicious, treasure-hunting mystery that seems the stuff of good novels but is out there, a question mark followed by an ellipsis, keeping us all hanging wonderfully unsatisfied.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:39 AM
0
cat calls
More thoughts on In the News, Mystery, NaBloPoMo
Today I went to a meeting with a local organization that advocates for and preserves historic buildings in ATown. The office is located in a renovated fire station, a corner block brick building with the firepole still in the far corner, massive glass-globe chandeliers, and the pale green fireman's lockers lining one wall. As soon as I entered the building, I was accosted by nostalgia. The smell of an old building - aged wood, old paint, and history (it smells, I swear). And when I reached the top of the stairs, I was almost speechless at the tall arched windows whose frames were painted almost the very same pale blue-grey shade as the ones at Grace Street.
The whole time I was there, I couldn't help noticing how suddenly I felt at home. Like I wanted to spend the whole afternoon there. I belong in an old, rickety building. I need the splintering wood and the creaking boards and the drafts and the echoes and the ghosts. I left feeling a little bit renewed, like I'd had some sort of spiritual transfusion.
And then I had a fairly good day at work, which included a brief meeting with my boss about several projects I have been working on that needed his input, one being an interview with an intern candidate. "She's got enthusiasm," I said. Like you, he responded. "Me? Are you serious?" Yeah, he said. I hear that banter going on down the hall. And I laugh and say yes.
But later, I'm thinking about banter, and I'm thinking about sitting at my old desk at my old job with my old coworkers. I'm thinking about shouting ideas to my boss next door. I'm thinking about eavesdropping and answering everyone's questions. I'm thinking about fake arguments with STGD about when he's going to get a job done. I'm thinking about raucous lunchtime chats and late afternoon staff meetings and brainstorms where everything goes downhill quick but you can't stop laughing. And I think, That's banter.
Right now -just right now - all the good is rushing into the sad and the past is haunting the present and my heart is creaking against the memories. And I am lonely and struck down with nostalgiaism.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:57 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on ATown, Grace Street, Loneliness, Memories, NaBloPoMo, Nostalgia, Office Space, Sadness, STGD
Tom Cruise's hair cut makes me irrationally angry with its dangerously close approach to an early '90s bowl cut and sweeping feathered bangs. I can't get over it - I mean, I posted a comment on Daisy's blog weeks ago, and anyone I've talked to in the last few days will attest that I'm still extraordinarily bothered by it. I will even lecture you on how it diminishes any ounce of hotness he still possessed after...well, he went crazy. It's just enraging. Seriously. Flames on the side of my face.
Posted by
ashley
at
9:12 PM
6
cat calls
More thoughts on All Riled Up, Anger Management, Clue, Hair, NaBloPoMo, TomKat
Too tired for a full post, and so you get the leftovers, a potpourri of mental miscellany that will have to satisfy for NaBloPoMo:
* a small red book
* repetitive piano music
* not one, not two, but three cups of coffee
* mistaken for 30
* grape salad for lunch
* sharp reminder regarding health that it could be worse
* demanding client, sudden deluge of deadlines
* haircut and the smell of hair product in the evening
* dark drive home
* slim white envelope, unexpected sad news
* tears and laughter because you must
* missed calls (sorry, mel!)
* kudzu, wedged between my ribcage and my spleen, warm and fuzzy
* promise of sleep (uninterrupted?) between soft dark green sheets
Posted by
ashley
at
10:37 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Hair, Ills, Kudzu, Lists, Miscellany, NaBloPoMo, Office Space, Sadness, Sleeping, Under Pressure
My favorite choose your own adventure book was about searching the pyramids for treasure. At best, you ended up with the Pharaoh's riches; at worst, you ended up trapped in a dead-end tomb with no escape. But the best thing about ending up in that tomb with no escape was that you could simply go back to the beginning of the book, try harder not to lose your map and your flashlight, take the right tunnel instead of the left, and at least walk out unscathed. Over and over, you could choose until you found the right permutation of choices to achieve the best possible ending.
Perhaps it's this early love of revisionist choices that cripples me now. It's not so easy to go back to the beginning of the story and retool the choices to configure a better ending. There are professional, financial and personal implications for every "do-over." The threads of life get all tangled up during the criss crossing.
And yet, today, I was reminded on more than one occasion that choose your own adventure is still possible. The implications are there, yes. But if I shift my focus away from the details of what will happen, I realize that I can go back - or go forward - and find the right ending. I realized that I'm in the incredibly lucky position to have a supporting cast of characters at the ready, whichever way I choose. So that even if I end up in the dead-end tomb, there will be people who love me, who support me, who will have a flashlight handy to lead us out of the dark. And now that I know the ending, the curse of trying to determine how we'll get there.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:23 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on NaBloPoMo, Second Thoughts, The Big Move, Under Pressure
I am starting to recognize a basic difference in the people I encounter as I go about creating some semblance of a life here. First, there are the Nice People. Nice People make up a great deal of the population surrounding you. Sort of like that old Seasame Street song - "These are the people in your neighborhood." You may encounter them daily - or just once. You can have a polite conversation with them. They may ask what you do, and you may feign interest in what they do. You may give them the basic vital statistics of your life (age, education, family, interests) and they will return the favor (marital status, children, pets, coffee drinker or not). Among these vital statistics, you may find commonalities. But they don't matter, because the Nice People will always be merely Nice People.
I went to lunch last week with one of the Nice People, which reminded me of the other part of the population. The small, rarefied part of the population that must be searched out, mined and cultivated. These are the Connection People. These are the people with whom the cross reference of vital statistics has no bearing. The commonalities are inconsequential. These people, the Connection People, are the people who make you feel alive when they talk about walking their dog. The Connection People create sparks and energy. They surge forward from the neutral beige of the Nice People with vivid, audacious color. Like magnets, you attract. You connect, lock together. Human Legos. (And no, I don't know those people, but I loved the photo so much I had to share - especially since it says "Cheetah '98" in the lower right corner - but I digress...).
Awash in a sea of Nice People, I am trying to sift through the sand and find those precious Connection People. In fits and starts, there are glimmers of Connection. But I need more. Not to mention that it makes me a bit sad to know that to most of the people I've met, I'm just another one of the Nice People, too.
Posted by
ashley
at
9:07 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on At Home, Friends, Human Nature, NaBloPoMo, The Big Move
I kind of hate Sundays. For as long as I can remember, I've experienced the Sunday Dread. Even when school or work wasn't particularly bad or daunting. It starts the moment I wake up on Sunday - the instant realization that the weekend is over. Which is silly, right, because there's still a whole day? But it doesn't matter. The Sunday Dread is setting in - the agonizing anticipation that tomorrow is Monday.
In college, and sometimes in Wilmywood, it was about loneliness. Growing up, Sundays were always a big family day at our house - lots of togetherness and eating. And it inevitably seemed like Sunday night in college and grad school was the time I ended up by myself and trying to wrap up all the studying I'd neglected or trying to get laundry done and dishes washed (or finish a story for workshop the next day...).
And I always eat really depressing things like cereal and cold pizza or stale crackers because that's all I can find. I never seem to have fun things to do on Sunday night - no parties or trips to the movies or shopping extravaganzas. Instead, the whole day progresses with an attitude of "I'm only doing this because I have to." Like being lead to the guillotine.
And while today, I had a visit from Justin, Eva and the Dilly Monster to spice up the afternoon, I still felt the malaise hanging over me. Thoughts about work left undone on Friday and meetings to come and just facing life again (which seems to be on hold on the weekends sometimes) made me enjoy the day just a little less. And I hate that - there's a part of me that says, "Carpe diem! You only have today! Live in the moment." But it's never as loud as the part of me that says back, "Yes, but if I do have tomorrow, it's Monday."
and just as a tiny side note, this is the 500th post - wow.
Posted by
ashley
at
8:36 PM
6
cat calls
More thoughts on Complaints, Ills, More On Me, NaBloPoMo, Weekends
One Week Later, I am a jellyfish. A soft translucent membrane, weightless in cool indigo water. I ascend slowly and concentrate on the movement of air and water: in and out, in and out. Sound is a thick murmur. Light is a quick flicker.
Below me trail tentacles, streamers of sensation and feeling. They dangle quietly, waiting. I have finally gathered these moments of tranquility, but there is still the threat that, though hanging idle, those tentacles will tangle with some mysterious something, electrify and strike.
Posted by
ashley
at
5:29 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Medication, NaBloPoMo, Panic, Peaceful, Side Effects
I heard about this plan of John Mayer's awhile ago. But since he's been known to pull gags on fans before, I hoped that was the case with this latest scheme. Unfortunately, it's true. It's true that John Mayer has chartered an entire Carnival cruise ship (a veritable "fun ship") to sail to the Bahamas in early February. It's true that John Mayer is shamelessly hawking said cruise on VH1. Wearing a smoking jacket. It's true that you can join roughly 3,000 of your not-so-closest friends on the pleasure cruise that is known as...the Mayercraft Carrier. Is this the part where I conclude that John has sold out? I think it is.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:24 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Complaints, John Mayer, NaBloPoMo
I'm taking my cue from Meg, who's the NaBloPoMo expert, that I should introduce myself on this first day of NaBloPoMo madness. Which is funny because I so recently posted about the "about me" phenomenon. So here's what I know:
I'm 28 years old. Six months ago, I quit my job, my apartment and my life and moved back home to Georgia after almost six years in North Carolina.
I live with my parents. This is both wonderful and maddening. They're lovely, but I'm an adult. I watch a lot of Antiques Roadshow.
I have a new job. I'm moving into my third month there, but it's still new. I don't know what I do, so I can't tell you that about me.
I have a cat. His name is Kudzu, and he gets me through.
Right now, I'm listening to a Scottish artist named Roddy Woomble. Seriously.
I love shoes, House, Harry Potter, dandelions, sushi, teacups and the smell of Sharpies.
I long to go to London. And the Greek Isles. But I don't have a passport.
I'm experiencing some mental turbulence that I'm trying to get sorted out, but it's a rocky road.
I almost always do what I'm told, what's expected of me...and then I complain about it here. I wish I was more adventurous, more daring, more rebellious, but the truth is, other than being crazy, I'm totally normal.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:07 PM
6
cat calls
More thoughts on Antiques Roadshow, At Home, Harry Potter, Kudzu, More On Me, NaBloPoMo, Panic, Travel
On Monday, I sit through the staff meeting jonesing to get out of my skin. I can almost hear my thoughts accelerating, chipmunking like a record played at too-high RPM. The sunlight in the conference room is bright; I laugh too loud. And I feel like everyone can tell that I am different.
On Tuesday, I sit at my desk fighting sleep. Not just I didn't get enough sleep last night nodding. Drugged sandbag eyelid sleepy. I lean my face into my hand, shielding my eyes from the door, so that it looks to a casual passerby like I'm reading the screen intently. I fall asleep for five to ten minutes.
On Wednesday, I am in a meeting an I am talking and in the middle of the sentence, I falter...the thread I was following goes down a rabbit hole...but I keep talking and I have no idea if I am making sense. I stop talking and everyone looks like they understand, but I don't.
On Thursday, I get out of the bed and it starts: fingers trembling (it's hard to put in contacts) and pulse racing and the nausea. And I take breaks - sit down between the shower and drying my hair, taking deep breaths.
And somewhere in my brain, the wires are crossing, the sparks are flying, the motor is revving, and I'm going...whether I want to or not.
Posted by
ashley
at
8:25 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on Medication, NaBloPoMo, Panic, Side Effects
For all of you who love the ghosts and gouls and things that go bump in the night, here's a link to last October's post about all my supernatural encounters. And for those of you who are 'fraidy cats, here's Dillon's first Halloween. Definitely a treat.

Posted by
ashley
at
8:53 PM
7
cat calls
When I was little, Justin and I used to play a game we called "Mercy." Mercy involved bending the other player's hand back at the wrist in an effort to touch the fingers to the forearm - until the pain became too much and the player called, "Mercy!"
Mercy meant "Stop, it's hurting too much." Mercy meant, "You with the upper hand, please take pity on me." Mercy meant, "I can't take anymore." Mercy meant, "I give up - you win." Mercy was about finding a threshold, the fine line between tolerance and intolerance. Mercy was a plea.
And now, I find myself emotionally bent backwards. Just when I thought the worst was over, I feel my fingers touching my forearm, everything in my wrist tight to the point of breaking.
Mercy. Please, please, mercy.
Posted by
ashley
at
7:59 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Childhood, Justin, Medication, Memories, Panic, Side Effects
Dear Ray:
I hope you don't mind that I call you Ray, seeing as how you seem to be inside my head these days. And I can attest that's a scary, weird place to be, so I think we can start out on a first-name basis.
I just wanted to say thanks, Ray. Thanks for writing every word, every chord, every note of Til the Sun Turns Black. It's aural therapy. Honestly, I can't stop listening to it - and I don't want to stop listening to it because it's soothing. And so few things fall in that category right now.
I know I'm a barfly...I know it and feel it. I know I've I looked my demons in the eyes, lay bare my chest said do your best to destroy me. And there have been moments where for a while I sat there staring at the photograph. For a while, I cried and tried not to make a scene.
And then I hear you sing, "Don't let your heart get heavy, child. Inside you there's a strength that lies. Don't let your soul get lonely, child. It's only time, it will go by." I want to believe you, Ray, so I just keep listening. Keep hoping it will come true.
Thanks for being inside my head. It was getting lonely in there.
Love,
Ash
Posted by
ashley
at
7:47 PM
0
cat calls
More thoughts on Letters, Loneliness, Music, Ray LaMontagne
* Highschool Musical Two - So so so (so so so) tired of seeing over-makeupped Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens (clothes on or off)
* Hannah Montana - Just the name Miley Cyrus makes me shudder
* Dancing with the Stars - I can't believe that Marie Osmond's collapse was the top news of the day - since the west coast is on fire and the east coast has no water...
* Saw 4 - Creepy mask. Creepy voice. For the fourth time.
* Paris Hilton's new movie - These four words together say it all.
Posted by
ashley
at
8:32 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Complaints, In the News, Lists, Movies, Paris Hilton, TV
Please note the new blog linked to the right, Photog Ash. A client of mine asked me if I'd like to participate in a photography game called 26 Things. I have been given a list of 26 words, phrases or ideas to photograph however I wish to interpret them. I will be posting the photographs over the course of the rest of October and November.
I created a separate blog as a new user since I am playing among a group that includes another coworker and a client - and I would like to protect the jungle from both in order to preserve my Freedom of Speech here. You are welcome to look (and comment) but please do so as an unregistered user so that those folks won't link through your profiles and blogs to Kudzu Jungle.
I know, I know. This is the height of paranoia. But there is a beauty in remaining anonymous on the interweb, and I'd like to stay under the radar (and employed). Thanks much.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:49 AM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on Le Blog, Photography
Yesterday, I had an appointment with The Doctor about The Panic. It was no small accomplishment to get this appointment. It required getting a list of referrals from The Other Doctor. Cross-referencing the referred doctors with those covered by The Insurance, which was a little tricky because I changed my plan two months in based on the recommendation of the HR consultant.
And when I called those who double qualified (referred and covered!), I found one doctor who wasn't accepting new patients, one whose first available appointment was in December, and one who required some personal information and a description of symptoms for a sort of MD audition before he would accept me as a patient. This is The Doctor with whom I had an appointment.
But, through some snafu with the entire health care system in America, when I arrived to see The Doctor, I found that The Insurance was not accepted. Because of two tiny words printed under the plan line. The Nice Receptionist offered to let me cancel without paying the cancellation fee, but I knew I needed to see The Doctor. So I opted to self-pay, closing my eyes briefly so as not to envision what the bill would be.
And there in the waiting room, I felt bitterly ironic that The Panic was rising the moment I was called to see The Doctor.
But fate took another little twist. The Doctor was actually a wonderful, wonderful person who listened to what I had to say and told me that I am not crazy. We made plans for Right Now and we talked about Next Steps. And then he told me there would be no charge. I went to The Doctor for free.
As I was leaving he said, "If you have any problems - any at all - call me. I mean it. And don't worry about the insurance thing. We'll work something out."
I walked out of The Doctor's office feeling a small bubble of hope rising against The Panic and the autumn afternoon light was so clear that I swear I could almost see The End in sight.
Posted by
ashley
at
9:34 AM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Ills, Medication, Money Matters, Panic, Unexpected Good Things
Spotted on a car in the parking lot behind the office:
We Must Stop the War on Error
Posted by
ashley
at
9:01 AM
0
cat calls
More thoughts on Politics, Stuff I Find
You may recall my request for thoughts and prayers for my friend Laura's son Sam, who was in neonatal ICU back in August just after he was born. I was catching up on Laura's news from her blog, and thought you might like to see how well he's doing.
All these happy little baby boys - Sam and now Pen's Nicholas and Andi's Wyatt. The next generation of heartbreakers.
Posted by
ashley
at
8:53 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on B.C., Baby, Friends, Happy Things, Thoughts and Prayers
I did it. I signed up for NaBloPoMo. I have officially committed myself to one post per day for the month of November. I will be bringing the jungle goodness every single day. Prepare yourselves.
(And join in if you're a blogger. I was inspired by Meg. And you get a neat little widget, too!)
Posted by
ashley
at
8:51 PM
2
cat calls
On Saturday, after the festivals, Justin, Eva and Eva's brother Gregory took me up on the Blueridge Parkway so that I could get some photos and really see the leaves. Gregory disdained me as a "leaf-looker", the term the locals reserve for stupid below-the-speed-limit drivers who come to the mountains in droves during the fall. And I knew I was old when I was trying to convince this 13-year-old boy to appreciate the beauty of his hometown. We pulled over at one point and climbed through the woods along a rather rocky path until we broke through the trees onto a flat overlook. And it was breathtaking. Totally worth the 19 times I almost twisted my ankle.
Possibly the best part of the whole weekend was Sunday morning. Eva's parents have a landscaping business and so own a Gator. Justin took me out for a ride through their property and the adjacent drive across Old Spanish Oak. It was freezing cold in the open air at 40 mph, Justin and I were laughing at Gregory's dog who insisted on racing us, and it was gorgeous and peaceful. Justin asked me why I wasn't taking more pictures. "I can't," I said. "It's too beautiful and I can't do it justice. I'm just going to breathe and enjoy it." And I did.
Posted by
ashley
at
6:54 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Autumn, Beauty, Eva, Justin, Peaceful, Photography
This past weekend, I traveled to the western North Carolina mountains to take in a couple of festivals synonymous with the onset of autumn. Eva grew up in that part of the state, and we had the pleasure of starting the day with breakfast at her parents' house on Old Spanish Oak Mountain with this spectacular view of Grandfather Mountain from the back porch. (Grandfather is partly obscured by the clouds here, but it truly does look like the profile of an old man, as though he lay down and went to sleep among the ridges.)
We started our festival trek at Valle Crucis, an arts and crafts fair replete with mountain music (bluegrass!), homemade goodies (apple butter!) and a petting zoo (alpacas!). I couldn't get photos that did it justice, but Valle Crucis is a beautiful valley nestled among ranges of gently rolling hills. It's surrounded on all four sides, and this weekend, it was cloaked in the colors of peak fall weekend in the mountains: gilded in yellow, vibrant orange, russet and blood red. Perhaps my film camera captured it better, but I know my digital just couldn't absorb the colors.
The fair itself was charming with all its folksy art - a genre I'm pretty familiar with, as it's very popular in my hometown, but this art was from the mountains and so had a different flavor to it. A lot of interesting metal work, found object art and wood carving. Some
of it wonderful and well-crafted - and some of it was a little scary. I chose an unusual biscuit jar from a Boone potter that was glazed in black and white and bore a hand carved mural and poetry on it. I wanted one of these beautiful natural wood bowls, but they are ridiculously expensive. So I took a photo instead.
We couldn't have asked for more beautiful weather - sunny and crisp with just enough chill to make you grateful for your coat and smile that autumn had chased away the oppressive summer heat. And the smell was marvelous - damp dew, grass, woodsmoke and mountain air. It was invigorating.We drove out of Valle Crucis and through the mountains, past what Eva's dad claims is the most photographed farm in the state of North Carolina perched on a wide expanse of green between two towering peaks. I, unfortunately, was concentrating on not letting the winding mountain road get to me and did not join the legions of photographers who have captured its likeness. We made our way to Banner Elk, closer to Eva's hometown, for the Woolly Worm Festival. What, you ask, is a woolly worm? I don't believe we have them in Georgia, but they look like crawling pipe cleaners. They
have 13 segments of brown and black. And at the Woolly Worm Festival, these creatures are raced (yes, raced) up a 3-foot length of string. After 1,400 worms raced, the winning worm, Armstrong, was used to predict the winter weather. His segmented body bore 4 black segments, 4 brown segments and 5 black segments - so look for a severe onset to winter followed by a mild period and then out with an arctic blast. Oh, and by the way, the whole concept of the Woolly Worm Festival was dreamed up by two guys who were high.
The Woolly Worm Festival offered all sorts of culture, from the folk music to the colorful array of people in attendance. I was lucky enough to procure a hot-out-of-the-fryer funnel cake and Mom selected some delicious apple beignets - deelish. Justin and Eva let Dillon have some funnel cake, and, well, folks, he's from the South - he liked it. But not quite as much as he liked the little maracas Eva purchased from the Cherokee Indian pan flutist.
And so we ended our day of festivals - with sunburn, indigestion and a very happy little boy.
Posted by
ashley
at
9:32 PM
7
cat calls
More thoughts on Animal Kingdom, Art, Autumn, Beauty, Dillon, Eva, Happy Things, Junk Food, Justin, Photography, The South, Travel, Weather, Weekends
Potter fans, you must read this article from salon.com by Rebecca Traister. It's a brilliant (and right on point) discussion about the Dumbledore revelation and Rowling's other post-Potter pronouncements.

If you find it curious that this news would make the headline ticker on CNN, you're not crazy, given that Dumbledore is a 150-something wizard who is not, in fact, real. It is also true that the Harry Potter series, in which Dumbledore is a hero, ended with the publication of its final book more than three months ago. How could there be an October surprise about a character whose tale concluded -– supposedly definitively -– in late July? more...
Posted by
ashley
at
9:16 PM
7
cat calls
More thoughts on Harry Potter, In the News
If you had told me that the guy wearing a purple dress with high heeled buckled shoes was gay, in most cases, I wouldn't be surprised. Or if you told me the guy who's really smart, has a great job and seems to understand everyone perfectly with his amazingly sensitive intuition was gay, in most cases, I wouldn't be surprised. But when you tell me that Dumbledore is gay, I am surprised.
Hogwarts' beloved headmaster (ewwww) is gay. And I don't care. It doesn't bother me that Dumbledore is gay. It bothers me that JKR is making this pronouncement after the fact. Some may argue with me, but I've studied the Potter cannon pretty closely, and it's just not there. Sure, Dumbledore is isolated and without any visible romantic attachment to a woman. He has a troubled - and somewhat secretive - past. But these things do not make a man gay. And if it was so formative, why wasn't it in the books?
Perhaps I simply feel about this character trait as I did about numerous things revealed in Deathly Hallows. It's an ace in the sleeve - a trump card. I don't think in any way that JKR is doing this for publicity, and I feel confident that she really did create and envision the character as gay. She's far too dedicated to the story as she imagined it to out Dumbledore for sensationalist reasons. But the course of Deathly Hallows reveals a Dumbledore far different than the wise and knowing gentle-mannered Dumbledore that we all wept to see Avada Kedavra'ed by Snape. And to take that one twist further to reveal that he's gay - and in love with Gellert Grindelwald to boot - almost made me laugh. It seemed as out of context as finding out that Professor Flitwick has a foot fetish and Professor McGonagall is a KISS fan.
For some reason, it seems outside of the realm of Potterdom, and even though I've read a couple of articles in which she explains how Dumbledore's love was his great tragedy, I didn't feel that in the book. I read it, thinking he lost a friend and a sister. And now I feel like she's imposing a different context on it. One I would've accepted had it been there to begin with, but one I resist in getting in the aftermath. Was it necessary? And does it enhance the story? Or change it? Should it have been there earlier? I think she didn't want to commit to it fully, didn't want to make the Dumbledore/Grindelwald relationship too controversial. But now - the truth is out.
You may now commence with jokes about how Dumbledore stole Grindelwald's wand.
Posted by
ashley
at
11:08 PM
7
cat calls
More thoughts on Complaints, Harry Potter, In the News
On the way back from the North Carolina mountains, Justin was telling us about the gym where he works out in Atlanta.
"Some guys just let it all hang out - I don't understand it. And just for the record, there's one thing that I feel I should never see a naked man do in public."
Almost afraid to ask but too curious not to, I said, "What's that?"
"Brush his teeth."
I contemplated for just a moment before Mom chimed in. "Yeah," she said. "Tick tock, tick tock."
Posted by
ashley
at
11:03 PM
5
cat calls
More thoughts on Drive Time, Embarassment, Justin, Mom, Things People Say
In the last couple of weeks, I've had two clients get caught up a the snares of the media. On both occasions there was an incident. And on both occasions, the story was printed or aired with gross inaccuracies, misrepresentations, factual errors, and downright misinformation. In one case, the story spun among the anchors and pundits until the actual events were strung so far from what happened that you almost wanted to laugh - except your client's rep was on the line because Fox put some ditzy blonde at the news desk who only knows how to posture and editorialize and not ask intelligent questions. The other client ended up on the front page speared on the pen of an entry-level reporter who based her entire story on first-person claims in what was undoubtedly a reach for investigative journalism that came off reading like Nancy Drew taking on the establishment.
Don't take this post to mean I'm all big business and protecting The Man. But it's made me wonder how the 24-hour news cycle - no, more like the mili-second news cycle - has changed the concept of accuracy in reporting. With the pressure to break news online, to be the first to the world with a piece of news, more and more reporters are doing "incremental reporting" - publishing a story immediately online and building it as more information becomes available. And some do it well - the wires like AP and Reuters.
But there's also this race to expose and criticize at any cost - to be seen as the voice of the little person against the big bad corporations. I confess I usually believe those stories where your average joe is the victim of the faceless machine. But, to my astonishment, I'm finding that in some cases, the facts are being wrenched. It's emotive journalism. And, while I'm peeved about my clients, I admit that it's much more than that worrying me. How much of other news stories is spin and conjecture? And how do we know? And who do we believe? When these stories shaded with the reporter's feelings, with the subject's feelings, are presented as news, we become numb to the fact that there are no facts. Everything is so fast, so soundbyted that we just assume that if its "news" from a "news source", it's news. And we don't have time to dissect it and evaluate before it sinks and becomes something we heard from somewhere.
We need news. We need news to inform us about the world - and at times to expose corruption and scandal. But we need to be able to believe, too, and I'm not sure there's a clear-cut rule for how to do that anymore.
All this to say, just like your mama told you: don't believe everything you hear - you hear now?
Posted by
ashley
at
10:34 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on In the News, Office Space, Think About It
Friday at midnight, Dillon started throwing up. He went through all the sets of crib sheets they own, six pairs of pajamas, eight towels and two outfits by the time we arrived at 2 p.m. on Saturday to provide back up to the bedraggled parents.
Sunday at midnight, I started throwing up. Mom followed behind me two hours later. By the time the two of us had called into work on Monday, Eva joined our happy number. And then Justin, too. I was upright for approximately 10 minutes yesterday. Mom and I alternately moaned, threw up, shared the heating pad for all our aching joints, made blackly comedic remarks, and grew increasingly more dehydrated. Must be my annual weekend for dehydration.
In the past forty-eight hours, I have eaten one cracker, one single-serve Mott's applesauce, a piece of toast and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (which I ate too fast because I was starving and had to take a nap to keep down). I have missed two days of work - a feat unsurpassed since I was in college - and therein have missed both a company outing and a big awards presentation for my boss at The Fox Theater in Atlanta.
The doctor thought Dillon had rotavirus. I think it's the plague. Please observe the biohazard sign we've hung over the house and keep at a safe distance.
Mendacious requested a blog on blogging about feelings that seem to never change from day to day. I've given some thought to how one should address this matter, and I think a to-do list is in order. Perhaps it's best to catalog and check off the feelings for each day:
StopStopStop
Stop trying so hard to fit in, make a place, put down roots, shake the dust off your feet. Stop worrying about whether or not you think you can do your job, whether or not they think you can do your job, whether or not you really can do your job, whether or not you're going to get fired any moment from your job. Stop looking back and looking forward and looking back and looking forward - it won't help you make sense of what you're looking at now. StopStopStop or else you'll panic.
ThisTimeLastYear
This time last year I was sitting on my back porch reading a book from the library. This time last year I had a job I understood where I sat across the desk from STGD and laughed. This time last year I lived on Grace Street and walked the wide-board wooden floors and sat on the windowsill and dreamed. This time last year I stood on the Cape Fear River. This time last year people knew me. This time last year was another lifetime.
PeoplePeopleEverywhereAndNotaDroptoDrink
People from dawn til dusk, from waking to sleeping. Always someone else occupying the same space as me. Next to me in the office, in the same house. Crowded for breathing room and the thoughts cartwheeling in my head. The people are familiar and unfamiliar, and they are omnipresent, and they do not comfort. People everywhere and yet so lonesome am I.
OneIsTheLoneliestNumber
Try not to think about being alone. Just one. Just me, just me, just me. And I don't know anyone. And I don't know how to meet anyone. And I look jealously upon groups of peolple who appear to be friends. Who laugh with each other. Who talk and know each other's language. And I am just one. Just me.
WhereIsTheEnd?
To round out these feelings, to sort of end where you started and as a nice second to StopStopStop, there is the question of when this ends. How far ahead is the light at the end of the tunnel that you can't see? How long does it take to get to the destination that isn't in sight? How do you find the place on the map if you don't know where you're looking for? How do you tell yourself there will be an end when you really don't know?
Posted by
ashley
at
5:01 PM
2
cat calls
More thoughts on At Home, Loneliness, Mendacious, Office Space, STGD, Worry Wart
Last Friday, I found Kim waiting for me in the baggage claim area at the Cleveland-Hopkins airport just after 9 a.m. with five waking hours already behind me. With relative ease we collected my bag, headed into the glaring clarity of an overcast white morning. The drive back to Euclid was made surreal by the (unfortunately) anomalous fact that we were together in a car, like so many moments from our early friendship, and the startling fact that I was there because Kim was getting married. It could've gone like that - a series of adrenalized moments like a whole weekend of head rushes.
But instead, we stopped at Dunkin' Donuts, grabbed coffee and breakfast, and went to nearby Sims Park behind Henn Mansion and bordering the shores of Lake Eerie. We sat at a picnic table, facing the endless stretch of slate grey lake gently lapping the stone break-walls at its edge. The clouds were thin - the kind you could tell would burn off with the early afternoon sun. We talked quietly - about the wedding, about life in general, about the man who was walking a cat sans leash just by calling it behind him.
After we finished our breakfast, we went down to the shore, and Kim started skipping stones - one of those skills I'd never quiet learned. She patiently showed me how to flick the flat abnormally-shaped stones across the water, the way Ben had taught her to do it. And we rejoiced when one of hers went five or six skips before sinking below the surface. We picked up a few bigger rocks and lobbed them in just to see how far we could throw them, relished the kerplunking splash.
The sand was wet and cool, the air blanketing us in dampness. And then it was time to go. We selected the best stones we could find and counted to three before skimming them across the lake. Mine skipped twice and hers three times before they disappeared. And we laughed for no apparent reason, and the sun started to break apart the clouds, and we walked away from the shoreline with one more reason to remember why we're friends.
Posted by
ashley
at
10:11 AM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Friends, Happy Things, Kim, Peaceful, Weddings
Mouthing off: jargon deciphered - noodle, offline, sidebar, inoculate, POD, pman; the correct company name when I answer the phone (even though I want to say the old one)
Noise, noise, noise: high hat notification on The Exotic's email (that drives me mad), dumpster emptying on Fridays, click-clack of the overhead fans, sonar beep of The Goofball's phone, music on The Rockstar's computer that I can barely hear but often sounds like electronica chanting at the end of the day
Taste buds: Peaches for fried chicken, green beans and mac & cheese (listed as a vegetable), chi-chi new dive by the art house theatre serving up overpriced prosciutto and grass clippings doused in olive oil, pastries from Black Forest Bakery, free(!) Maggiano's one day in ATL, only French vanilla creamer for coffee, Grape Laffy Taffy and Aztec Punch Starburst from the candy dish
Sniff: occasional chicken odor drifting from nearby poultry operation, stale sweat from the Dirty Film boys despite cooling weather, odd smell of cabbage in the ladies' which The Violinist and I determined was highly abnormal in the bathroom, old wood and machine oil from the freight elevator, Italian bistro cranking up for dinner every night when I leave
I Spy: my picture on the website (ick), other people reading Perez Hilton during the day, very drab blue background on the laptop I warily use each day, a growing number of folders on my desk containing information that I'm supposed to understand, three stalls in the ladies' but I will only use two of them - the third to me...well, it's just off limits for no apparent reason, red brick out the window, hope for me yet(??)
Posted by
ashley
at
9:45 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Computers, Dirty Film Boys, Food, Office Space, Perez Hilton, Things People Say, Words Words Words
"I Do" Good
* The weather was perfectly beautiful with bright blue skies and golden autumn light.
* Kim looked magnificent. I've never seen her quite so radiant - and when we first got her dress on, and I took it all in, I couldn't help but cry to see her looking that regal.
* I did not lose Kim's engagement ring while wearing it for the duration of the ceremony, nor drop Ben's wedding band into the nearby lake on accident.
* The dinner music included selections from William Shatner, Ethel Merman and The Beatles - only Kim Shable (Oja!).
* Kim's mom put us all to shame on the dance floor during "Gold Digger." And that, my friends, is to be applauded.
* Kim handled snafus - like the accidental dumping of a cup of a coffee on her veil at the salon - with unbelievable aplomb.
* Managed to arrange an all Wilmywood photo - sans Penelope, HAT, and Daren. We missed you!
* I had the best up-do ever - Samantha, you rock.
"I Do" Not-So-Good
* I discovered at the rehearsal dinner that my best friend is also left-handed. How in the name of heaven did I miss this fact all these years? I am admittedly obsessed with other left handers, and I didn't know Kim is one? I cannot believe this. I demand a recount.
* After the rehearsal dinner, we all went back to the Shables for a campfire. I, after my 4 a.m. wake up call, fell asleep by the fire in a lawn chair. Like a bum.
* I was attacked by a bee during the ceremony. No, really. It approached, and I tried gently to wave it away. But it pursued me relentlessly until I was flailing arms and doing a little hop from foot to foot to get away from it. I imagine, for the crowd, it was mildly entertaining.
* I did not have time for even one "nerve-softening" drink before offering my toast - behind a very poignant and touching tribute from the best man. Out-toasted, I was.
* The woman in charge at the event site scared the bejeezes out of all of us - both with her demeanor and her aggressive blush.
* I was forced to do the Chicken Dance against my better judgment and the preservation of my dignity. Many, many thanks to Jenn, who was friend enough to not allow me to suffer alone.
"I Do" Tears
* First moment in wedding dress
* Exchange of vows
* First dance
* Goodbye
Perhaps later in the week, I can say more about my best friend's wedding. Right now, I feel sort of a lump in my throat that she's married - married! - and that I was there to share the experience as maid of honor. At this time, I'm happy to report that the whole celebration went off without a hitch (of any significance).
I stood with the best man late in the evening last night and watched as Kim bid farewell to the last few straggling guests. "This is the saddest part," I said.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, it's like the last 10 or 15 people, and it's just...over," I said, feeling suddenly like crying, watching Kim looking so elegant and married. (Did I mention she got married?)
"Yeah," he said. "But look at them. They're so happy. And it was perfect."
And just like he trumped me on the toasts (thanks, Partak) in this moment, he trumped me, too.
Here's a taste of the perfect happiness.
I am not a frequent flyer, by any stretch of the imagination. I didn't even fly until I was 24 years old. But I've flown a fair bit since then - enough to know the drill. And considering that I was pretty anomalous in this day and age for having flown so seldom, I'm surprised at the number of people who have probably flown a great deal more than I have who act like they don't know the drill.
Please, sir, don't try to use your cell phone while we are taxiing toward the runway. The flight attendant can see you, and her name is Joan and she looks like Elvira, and she means business. It is not an approved electronic device for in-flight use - use of a cell phone is strictly prohibited once the exterior cabin door is closed. And I know you're probably very busy and important and you're trying to get in one more very important call, but just don't. Aside from the fact that you're holding us all up, I'm afraid to see what Joan will do to you.
And I know that the upright position isn't like your Lazy Boy recliner, but please, just click it forward. We can see that your head is resting in the lap of the passenger behind you. Sit up straight and get ready to go. And your tray table? Don't use it to prop your latest issue of Country Living on. It must be in the stowed and locked position. Open your shade, too. I know you're ready for your long winter's nap, but the shades must be open during take-off and landing. Oh, and your giant oversized carry-on bag that you refuse to stow in the overhead bin? It must be completely under the seat in front of you - seriously. Joan will get out her ruler to check it.
I know the flight attendants don't always speak clearly over the intercom - and some times they say their spiel so fast you wonder what if I actually need to know that? But get with the program, people. Flight delays are bad enough without having to endure them because you can't wait to take that call until we land. And, p.s., in the unlikely event that we have a water landing, I'm not going to instruct you on how to use your cushion as a flotation device. I'm just going to let you drown.
Posted by
ashley
at
7:30 PM
4
cat calls
More thoughts on Complaints, Strangers, Travel
Please excuse the neglect. I know, I know - one post this week. It's pathetic. We can blame the panic attacks or the pervasive nausea or the fatigue, but that would be whiny. No one likes a whiner. And while I had a couple of ideas for a post, I haven't had time, and now, I've got to dash - 4 a.m. wake up call for the 7:23 flight to Cleveland. (Kim, you know I love you when I'm willing to get up at 4 to catch a plane for your wedding.)
I'm sorry, blog, I really am. I'll try to do better next week. I promise.
Love,
Ashley
“Hank Aaron,” Dad says. “Hit a lot of homeruns. But think about how many times he struck out.”
“I know,” I mumble, tears hanging on the apples of my cheeks.
“You gotta learn to strike out, baby.”
“I know.”
“I ain’t saying you’ve got to be satisfied with it.” He pauses. “But you’ve got to get comfortable with it. And I’m not saying don’t try to hit the ball. Swing hard. But know that sometimes, you’re going to miss.”
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cat calls
More thoughts on Dad, Incompetence, Naked Insecurity, Worry Wart
“all those sleepless nights and all those wasted days. i wish loneliness would leave me, but i think it's here to stay. what more can i do? i'm wringing myself dry, and i can't afford to lose one more teardrop from my eye."
--the black keys, "too afraid to love you"