Dear PenMen: Contemplations on Everyonceinawhile and Other Moments in Time

Seeing as how we might, at this point, be the only ones reading each other's blogs, I figured it was okay to directly address the two of you. Plus, I had this feeling of wanting to write, but what? And then I thought I could just write what I would tell Pen and M.

It's raining here right now, and while soothing, I find this greatly disappointing because I need to mow my lawn. I was all geared up for it, too: The First Mowing. But I know if I actually do that after the torrential rain (accompanied by copious thunder and lightning) that I will have wet grass stuck to my ankles and big clumps of grass clippings to dig out of the bag. That seems like not the experience to have for The First Mowing, and so I will think of my ever-growing lawn as a verdant carpet instead of an overgrown grass pouf to ease my conscience.

I finished reading this book last night that was so good - one of my indulgently trashy romance novels. And sometimes, they're just like reading candy - totally empty calories that go in and pass through with no real nutritional value. But everyonceinawhile, I find one that's more like...designer candy. Still no real nutritional value, but something extra luxurious about the indulgent experience. I think it could have to do with the fact that Mom and Dad went to see Anna, and I was blissfully alone and slept on the couch when I got home and then woke up and read and read and read - skipping dinner - until I finished. That's the kind of reading one needs to do everyonceinawhile to really fortify the soul.

Yesterday was a fantastical, magical day at work. Everyonceinawhile, a very great while in fact, the stars align in this way that you get exactly what you work so hard for the other 3oo-some-odd days of the year. To get a story in the ACRONYM Today is something of a Holy Grail of PR. And then, to find out later that the pitch you made to a certain other nationally renowned publication like FOUR-BES, actually got picked up, too? Well, it just doesn't get any better than that. Except that it happened to be my three-year anniversary with the company, and The Linguista and I went to my favorite Mexican restaurant and drank frozen margaritas at lunch.

The Exotic is getting so close to her due date, and it's starting to make me a bit sad. What will I do without her calming presence in the office? She does yoga so I don't have to, and she offers me zen-by-proxy when I need it. I think I will feel spectacularly off when she's on maternity leave.

I am, however, excited about the next couple of months, which are rife with the kind of adventures I never have. On Monday is David Gray/Ray LaMontagne, the dreamiest of dream concerts. I'm taking one of the Big City interns with me, and it will be delight. And then we will enter the string of weeks from September to October when I have something all the time rather than everyonceinawhile to keep me occupied. Like a trip to D.C.! Mountain Day! Dallas to see Joel McHale with my Texas Twin in our Texas office! Valle Crucis! Company retreat! Oh my! Plus there are two volunteer events on my calendar in September and one in October, plus dinners and drinks with friends (yes! friends!). At times like these, I feel like...maybe I'm doing a better job than I think of carpe diem and not letting the fact that I'm not exactly where I want to be on The Great Life Continuum keep me from doing things that make this place on it so much better.

Despite the rain, I think it's time to pack the Rav and take a load over to My House where I will clean the bathrooms and dress them nicely with the bathmats and matching towel sets I purchased last week. And then I will stand back and contemplate that I could actually be moving soon in a way that is good and comfortable. And then I might be able to think about new companions for my sad heart - still so hard to let go of Kudzu, but so clear to me that I need that comfort from the four-legged varietal.

Wishing you both everyonceinawhile days.

xo,
Ash

Happiness

Extra Credit: Giving the Professor His Due

Friday night, The Professor and I ate pizza and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall (which I do not recommend unless you want to endure four very uncomfortable penis shots).

And afterward, we moved into the "We Need to Talk" portion of the evening.

What it boils down to is that me and The Professor want this all to work. We want this - whatever it may be categorized as - to blossom into a raltionship. Not for the right reasons, mind you. We both selfishly want it to work so that we don't each have to go back to square one alone. As we talked, I realized that some of The Professor's "whens" were hopeful ones - a relationship version of The Little Engine That Could. Perhaps determination and encouragement would help us up the hill and around the bend to the place where we were partners in a bridge tournament at the family reunion.

But in the end, it's just not there. The IT. The mysterious, unnameable, intangible IT that makes the world go round. I like him and he likes me. And there's some chemistry. But it's so easily smothered in the tangled tendrils of what's left of his relationship with The Ex and the inescapable cloud of grief that seems to have recollected overhead in earnest with the holidays approaching. Neither one of us seem capable of getting past our own boundaries to fan the flames of whatever might be there, and so there's this gaping chasm between what we're trying to pretend is happening and what's really there. But to his credit, he was all kindness and understanding.

I left his house Friday night disheartened. We certainly left on good terms, and I think we'll continue seeing each other in a friendly sort of way with very little expectations of the future. But for the moment, I listened to "Let it be Me" on the way home and let the tears come and hoped for when I find It.

Thursday Miscellany

* When I'm in the shower in the morning debating what to wear, I imagine my clothing options just like Cher's computer program in Clueless, sliding tops and bottoms back and forth for consideration in my mind.

* My mom has new glasses. This may explain why she purchased prune-flavored yogurt for me instead of mixed berry.

* Rumor has it that Johnny Depp is signing on to play The Riddler in the next installment of Batman. Oh please, oh please say it's true.

* NY Fashion Week purportedly featured models that demonstrated that "thin isn't so in" - several size 2s and 4s worked the runway this year. So go ahead and eat that ice cream, ladies.

* I sort of love my hairdryer. Like, it's been with me through a lot. It comforts me to count on it every morning.

* I'm going on a date tomorrow. A third date, actually.

* In one month? NEW Keane AND Ray LaMontagne. Perfect Symmetry and Gossip in the Grain drop Oct. 14.

* I can't believe Kenley got through with that abhorrent dress last night on ProRun. Although, Blayne's was an atrocity. I'm with Heidi, "Ooooh, that's bad."

* The debut of Fringe has me jonesing to pick up the Dawson's Creek series finale and watch it will eating a whole cookie cake by myself. I heart Pacey.

Good Gossip

Ray LaMontagne announced today that he will be releasing his third studio album, Gossip in the Grain on September 9th. The album is cast as LaMontagne's most "creative and emotionally expansive" album yet. More details...

'Whereas LaMontagne's two previous albums, 'Trouble' and 'Till The Sun Turns Black', were largely solo affairs, with Johns serving as multi-tasking instrumentalist, Gossip In The Grain sees him joined by members of his touring band, bassist Jennifer Condos and guitarist Eric Heywood (with Johns largely handling drum duties). Along with his band members, LaMontagne is also joined on two tracks - "A Falling Through" and "I Still Care For You" - by singer/songwriter Leona Naess.'

It sounds like it's certain to be another album I can't stop listening to - but I have to wait three months! Here's the track listing to dream about in the meantime. I'm very intrigued by "Meg White."

1. Let It Be Me
2. Hey Me, Hey Mama
3. Sarah
4. I Still Care For You
5. Winter Birds
6. Meg White
7. Achin' All The Time
8. Henry Nearly Killed Me (It's A Shame)
9. A Falling Through
10. Gossip In The Grain

Threesdays: Music News that Makes Me Tingle

Coldplay - Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends - the announced title of the new album due out this year

Keane - At work on their as-yet unnamed album due out September 2008. The band is posting pictures from the studio as their site's landing page. (Today's is very cool...)

Ray LaMontagne - Site says "Details about the new record coming soon."

Yeeeee!

Cheap Therapy

Dear Ray:
I hope you don't mind that I call you Ray, seeing as how you seem to be inside my head these days. And I can attest that's a scary, weird place to be, so I think we can start out on a first-name basis.

I just wanted to say thanks, Ray. Thanks for writing every word, every chord, every note of Til the Sun Turns Black. It's aural therapy. Honestly, I can't stop listening to it - and I don't want to stop listening to it because it's soothing. And so few things fall in that category right now.

I know I'm a barfly...I know it and feel it. I know I've I looked my demons in the eyes, lay bare my chest said do your best to destroy me. And there have been moments where for a while I sat there staring at the photograph. For a while, I cried and tried not to make a scene.

And then I hear you sing, "Don't let your heart get heavy, child. Inside you there's a strength that lies. Don't let your soul get lonely, child. It's only time, it will go by." I want to believe you, Ray, so I just keep listening. Keep hoping it will come true.

Thanks for being inside my head. It was getting lonely in there.

Love,
Ash

How...

...is it that I can find a song called "Barfly" so beautiful and soothing right now?




If the player won't work, just click on the song title. Technical difficulties at the kudzu jungle...