NaBloPoMo

Fin

Ash's Must-See TV

While I'm not usually one for regularly scheduled programs, particularly the network fare, I find myself parking it in front of the boob tube on a regular basis these days. It's a commentary on the gripping life I lead...but you know, if you're looking for something to watch, and Pen's regularly scheduled programming hasn't let you to what you seek, check out these prime-time gems.

Monday - 8 p.m., GPTV, Antiques Roadshow
Okay, so I know it's kind of lame that I watch Antiques Roadshow with my parents every Monday. But it makes them happy and it appeals to my nerdy love of odd history and such. Plus, it's always a bonus when someone from the bowels of south Georgia comes up with a piece of pottery they bought for a quarter at a garage sale that's worth $20k. I'm getting really good at spotting which ones are going to be big-tickets.

Tuesday - 9 p.m., Fox, House
I love this show. I love this man - this odious, cynical, unjust, brilliant man. I want to be verbally and emotionally abused by Gregory House. I can't get enough of the wicked humor and quirky relationships on this show. (And I missed it tonight because I erroneously thought it was a rerun - egads!)

Wednesday, 10 p.m., Bravo, Project Runway
Tim Gunn alongside a cardboard box would entertain me. The fact that he's surrounded by 15 catty designing divas and the caricature-ish Michael Kors and Nina Garcia really ups the ante for me. Carry on!

Friday, 8 p.m., Men in Trees
Think of this show, now in its second season, as Northern Exposure meets Sex and the City. Other than the fact that I sometimes space out for a second or two thinking about how odd Anne Heche is in real life, I love her character Marin, a relationship coach jilted by her high-profile fiance who then retreats to Alaska. She hosts a radio show, and her monologue is often very Carrie Bradshaw-esque. The scenery is gorgeous and the supporting cast is equally charming - including Orlando Jones as a very persnickety gay man partnered by Mario Cantone of S&TC fame.

Friday, 9 p.m., Women's Murder Club
I know, I know. I virtually just assured myself a spot in the Single Cat Lady Hall of Fame with this admission. And Kim may no longer be my friend because the lead, Angie Harmon, just happens to be the sister of the sinister and much-hated Mark Harmon. (Ask her, she'll tell you the story.) But it's a good show. And it also features Rob Estes, who starred in the USA Network Original Series Silk Stalkings, of which I was a big fan. I never quite got over the death of his character Sgt. Chris Lorenzo, so I'm really just happy to see him alive.

Addendum: After consulting IMDB, I have discovered that Angie Harmon is actually no relation to Mark Harmon. Kim, consider yourself cleared to join the Women's Murder Club.

Prom Night

I didn't go to my senior prom. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, but no one asked me. Don't feel too sorry for me though - Anna took pity on me and took me and Niki and Heather to Six Flags instead. All the same, I must admit that I was rather excited when I heard the work retreat would include an 80s prom. I mean...the opportunity to recapture a missing piece of my youth plus the greatness of the 80s? And it did not disappoint.

And so I do not disappoint you, dear readers, I give you this photo of me in action. The PROOF stamp obscures some of the greatness of my outfit from your view, but I believe you get the idea. I would like you to know the following: my mother made this dress; Anna wore it to her senior prom; no items were purchased; these are Anna's earrings and mine and Anna's jewelry salvaged from around the house; I am wearing a banana clip and false eyelashes; there is a bow WITH a rosette on my dress; the shoulder pads extended roughly two inches beyond my shoulders. Other highlights of the evening included:

* My immediate boss sporting a Top Gun flight suit

* A coworker's husband dressed as John Cusak from Say Anything, complete with a boombox that played "In Your Eyes" which he climbed on stage at one point to play - yes, aloft, over his head, Cusak-style

* My Big Boss sporting a mullet wig, black suit and gold bow tie

* An A-Town 80s cover band that rocked it

* An ATL coworker's spot-on dance performance to "Billie Jean" in his killer white Member's Only jacket

* A half-drunken group sing-along to "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

* The Violinist's unbelievably mad skills on the dance floor

* The Rock Star relenting after many drinks to hit the floor for a couple of songs

* The prom king graphic designer who was the spitting image of The Cure's Robert Smith

* Me, not having The Panic at the disco

The Pressure of a Post

NaBloPoMo is drawing to a close - today marks the beginning of the end - the final week of my commitment to a post a day. If I stopped right now, I'd have blogged 83 percent of the month. That would earn me a B - a respectable passing grade. And while I'm not going to stop posting (unless there are unforeseen dire circumstances), I have to say that I am utterly without inspiration. I considered, and discarded, a number of post ideas:

* Another photo of Dillon, this time pushing one of his walker toys through the kitchen (I can almost hear your relief...)

* Feeling the creeping tendrils of The Panic after overdosing on people time and underdosing on Ashley time

* Reluctant sadness trimming the tree this afternoon, even though Dillon was fascinated by the lights...and inevitable feeling that I'm not a kid anymore

* Finding a dead cat under my car Friday afternoon. The neighbor's cat, who apparently died of old age. But it brought back very bad memories and made me stand in the driveway repeating, "I did not run over this cat" Rainman-style.

* A diatribe about how I'm failing miserably at the photo game and likely to only get a third of the pictures posted, by which I would segue into how I'm very good at signing up for things and very lousy at finishing them.

* A list of things I got done this evening, some of which included paying bills, addressing cards, sent a few emails.

* A list of things I did not get done this evening, some of which included putting the address on Kim's wedding gift (sorry, Kim!!), getting my finances in order (house downpayment not materializing on its own), Christmas shopping online

* An outline of my weekly TV-viewing schedule, which is quite packed at this point. Pen, you'd be so proud - I have must-see TV on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday! Three days a week! I learned it from watching you, all right?

But none of these things seemed totally post-worthy...or perhaps it was just that I'm am not post-worthy this evening. Regardless, this post is what you're getting. Five more days of this, and you'll be off the hook with reading my daily drivel, and we'll be back to our irregularly scheduled programming.

We've Created a Monster

Tonight Dad met YouTube.

He literally just watched a kid play Pachelbel's canon on an electric guitar.

Yipe.

Thank You: Part Two

I have possibly been usurped in greatness by Aunt Anna who allowed
Dillon to clean up the Cool Whip spatula when she was done with it.
And yes, his shirt does say, "Baby's First Thanksgiving." And the sleeve says, "Gobble."

Thanksgiving included quality time with all my nephews - four-legged variety included.
Eli and I caught a break on the kitchen rug.

Laura asked me the other night how old Dillon is. I said ten months. She said, "Oh, so he's not very fast yet." Enter the Elmo walker. He can make tracks. And get very agitated when he runs into the fireplace.

Three generations of the family - something to be thankful for.

Thank You

* Family, for letting me live at home, for understanding the place I'm in, for trying hard to recognize that I am different than I was, for loving me even when they don't understand me, for supporting me and being there.

* Friends, for knowing when to ask how things are and when not to, for calling and emailing to check in, for reminding me that -whether here or elsewhere - they are there for me, for encouraging me to do what I need to do, for telling me I'm not crazy, for making me laugh

* Rain, which fell fast and hard this morning making puddles, which I hadn't seen in months

* Good books, which take me anywhere I want to go, and writing, in which I can take myself anywhere I want to go

* Health, both the kind The Medicine seems to be giving me and the general kind - I really do forget just how lucky I am

* Kudzu, dear sweet furry toilet-paper-strewing creature who warms my heart

* Dreams, the kind that entertain me - sometimes inform me, scare me, thrill me - while I sleep and the kind that give me hope for the future, anticipation of what Could Be.

* Today, it's all we get. All we're promised. I recently heard someone say that worry is using today's energy to carry tomorrow's burdens. I should pay heed to that advice. Say thanks today. Say I love you today. Laugh today. Eat well today - make sure you have dessert.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

The Tipping Point

Several people asked me over the weekend how long I had been back in Georgia. The first time, I looked to the left, calculating in some empty space above my head. "Almost seven months," I said. And then I said it again and again. Oh, wow, I thought, almost seven months.

After a few times, it occurred to me that this is a tipping point. No matter what, this year will be one in which I spent the majority of the year in Georgia. It can no longer be a North Carolina year. As though some proverbial scoring has been tallied, I realized that I'm mostly Georgian now and less of a Carolinian. And I'm not sure how I feel about this shift in the balance of things...this dive toward more of one and less of the other. It's an odd feeling, particularly because this time last year, I was announcing The Big Move to my family. And that alternately feels like yesterday and years ago. It was a tipping point then, to move forward with something I had been thinking about, and, now, it is that uncertain feeling of the slightest movement working in concert with gravity to pull me in another direction.

Giving Thanks

I've been somewhat overcome by the "woe is mes" over the past few months. And it's true that I haven't been feeling up to snuff for a greater part of that time. But lately, through six degrees of separation or less, I've been touched by some tragedies that remind me what a delicate balance life is. A friend lost a baby at eight months - a baby boy he was excitedly expecting. And Vesta lost a very dear friend, who was also a person for whom I held great affection. And then today, I found out one of my new friends from the Atlanta office lost her father last night.

The office visited the hospital today as a service project to celebrate the Thanksgiving season. We were providing lunch to the nurses and staff on the oncology unit. The Boss and I went to visit one of the patients: an 86-year-old blind woman whose breast cancer surgery site had become infected. And she was hoping to go back to the nursing home for Thanksgiving. She had no real family to speak of, but she told us that she was doing alright for 86. She said she still had her mind and her independence and she was doing real good and she was blessed.

Later in the day, one of the patients called the office to thank us for the leave-behind goodie bags which included a hand-crafted paper-and-yarn turkey made by The Violinist.

A few words and a paper turkey are blessings to some. And I should remember that - when I focus too much on the challenges and forget to be gracious about the opportunities, the good things...the moments I slip away from disaster or illness or even death without even know it. All those moments when all I see is cloud and just behind is a beautiful silver lining.

Monday Math

2 days until Thanksgiving

+

6 days' worth of work

=

11 o'clock, clocked in

He Said/She Said/They Said: Company Retreat Version

At dinner Friday night

Me: "It reminds me of Max Headroom."

The rest of the dinner table: "Who?"

Me: "Max Headroom? He was...wait. How old are you guys?"

A chorus of 22s and 23s.

____________
Standing outside of a very chic shoe store in Savannah.

Possible Connection Person: I wish...I wish I could stomach spending that much for shoes. They were really cute.

Me: Yeah, me, too.

Possible Connection Person: Sometimes I hate being so responsible.
____________
On the elevator

ATown Coworker (to The Rockstar): "Hey did you know you're the only single guy at the firm?"

The Rockstar: I guess I'd never thought about it...

Me: What about (ATL coworker)?

The Rockstar: Well, um...yeah. I mean. He's...he's single. But he doesn't like girls."

(How did I miss this??)
_____________

At lunch at Lady & Sons, Paula Deen's restaurant

ATL Coworker: I'm disappointed. I can't believe the menu. This food is so bad for you.

Me: Do you know who Paula Deen is?
____________
In the lobby, preparing to depart and a female coworker from ATL who sat with me at breakfast approaches. She holds out one arm.

Her: Hey, Ashley!

Me (leaning in slightly awkwardly to hug her): It was great to meet you this weekend.

Her: Um, yeah. I was hoping you could take me and my husband to the airport.

Oops, I hugged a coworker.
___________
Yesterday out shopping, we run into one of the two owners of the company. The rest of the crowd with me goes into the Marc Jacobs store. I stand on the sidewalk talking to The Boss.

The Boss: We sure are glad you joined the company.

Me: Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

(I know for certain this is at least the sixth time I've had this conversation with him.)
____________
Friday night at the 80s prom

ATown Coworker: You say you're an introvert, but I'll never believe you after tonight.

Me: Liking to dance and liking people are two very different things.

tidbits

late for happy hour * another spectacular sunset * lunch @ lady & sons * boutique shopping * my genius face * encounters with possible connection people * new shirt * $400 shoes (i didn't buy) * lots of coffee * up til 1:30 a.m. * dancing machine (watch me get down) * old buildings * cobblestone streets * laughing * group sing-along to "total eclipse of the heart" * fabulous 80s prom * gotta dash

Moment of Acceptance

Right now, I am sitting alone in a hotel room with a king-sized bed on the sixth floor that overlooks the Savannah River. Right now, darkness is squeezing the last of the color down to the horizon so that the skyline is black as charcoal against the blush of pink. Right now, I am looking down at a river, flowing fast past old buildings, new buildings, boats docked at its edge. Right now, there is a bridge in the distance. Right now is a very odd reflection of my old life looking back at me. And fittingly enough, I am on the other side of the Savannah from the city...so it really is like looking at my old life across the Cape Fear from a different vantage point.

Earlier, I sat in a meeting where people said "we" a lot. And about halfway through, I realized that I'm included in that we. I am part of the we. I am a cog in this machine. I stand under their umbrella. And when they talk about the company as a family, they consider me part of that tree. At first, it was odd. And then someone said something funny, and I got it because, after three months, I finally sort of understand how we work. And I laughed and looked around me, and thought, Okay.

That's all...just...right now...okay.

Project Runway: My Two Fashion Cents

It's back. It's time to gather round, people, and make it work. And last night's premier of Project Runway promised all the drama, cattiness and fashion that make it so magically delicious. So here's how the competition stacks up.

Carmen - I like her, but she also has that sort of aggressive Laura-vibe about her. I thought her design last night was interesting even if I didn't love it. Prediction: A strong contender to make it through to the late stages unless overconfidence or bizarre design get in her way.

Chris - A wild card. I liked his dress last night - I thought the purple fabric was gorgeous. He could also teeter toward one of those whose designs never have the wow factor. Prediction: Must wait and see.

Christian - The New Austin Scarlett. Love him. Love his wacky haircut. Love his sass. Love all of his interviews. And liked his design - didn't love the fabric, but I thought the design was interesting. Prediction: Strong contender for the final three.

Elisa - Totally bizarre and over the top. I think she's the new Vincent. And not in a good way. Prediction: Auffed over extreme creative differences with the judges (but great television while she's still around).

Jack - Beautiful dress. I thought was lovely and wearable. Which may get him into trouble for not establishing a stronger point of view. Prediction: A strong contender, although from the previews, it looks like something horrible will be revealed by him at some point.

Jillian - I think Jillian has potential, but for some reason, I can see her being one that has a challenge where she totally flips out and doesn't get it done. Prediction: Auffed in the later part

Kevin - He's trying to be the new Jeffrey/Santino with his elegance-with-an-edge. Didn't love his work last night, but I reserve judgment here. Prediction: Another wait and see.

Kit Pistol - I like Kit Pistol (just because I think that's an awesome name) and I think she has a strong and different POV. I could see her hanging in there into the late game. Prediction: Contender.

Marion - I noticed last night that Marion was largely ignored in the storyline, which made me wonder how important he'll be. I felt totally blase about his garment a la Robert last season. Prediction: (Yawn) Auffed early

Rami - Fabulous. Beautiful garment. I hope he doesn't get drape-obsessed like Uli did with the billowy dresses. Could be my one sticking point with him. Prediction: Definite contender for top three.

Ricky - Three words: What happened to Andre? Prediction: Auffed, but not before a spectacular meltdown

Simone - Boring. Auffed. Reminded me of the first one to go in Season 2, who, sadly, was from Georgia.

Steven - Steven, Steven, Steven. Could be fabulous. Or take a total turn for the worst. I think, if Steven keeps his head together, that he could be a contender. Prediction: Possible maniac, possible fashionista.

Sweet P - Hmmm. I get a bad feeling about Sweet P - like she's going to annoy me to no end and produce clothes that she really likes and believes in and will justify til she's blue in the face even though we can all tell they're ugly. Like Angela last season? Prediction: Auffed at the halfway.

Victorya - She definitely got the Kara Saun/Chloe Dao vibe about her. She's very together, less eccentric than the other designers. I'm expecting elegant, chic work from her that I totally love. Prediction: Judges will coo over her consistency. Final three contender.

Thoughts, fellow ProRun aficionados?

Ever Felt This Way?

I know this is kind of a cop-out post. But, hey, I'm bringing a blog a day and Project Runway was on tonight (I heart Christian!) - I get a Get Out of Blog free card every now and then. Make it work, people. And please, try to see the humor.

Note to Self

Throughout the day, I tend to write down an ongoing list of things to remember on a post-it note stuck to my desk - some are things to do, some the beginnings of blog posts and others are mysteriously vague. Inevitably, these notes end up stuck in the bottom of my purse or in pockets. Here's a sampling of those sorted through this evening:

* Jeans
* Prom jewelry
* War with the rock star
* Olives
* Knitters
* Shred credit card bills
* Check out Heatmiser
* The Gates of Hell
* Jenny Ray's birthday (see? I didn't forget altogether...)
* Bathroom stall
* Call STGD
* International Delights
* "Wide Unbroken Skies"
* Don't forget Mel
* 8:30 sharp, out by 9:30
* House is on tonight
* Mom - side dish, insurance
* B Spears new album?

On Mrs. Cleaver (or Why I Need a Wife)

Today at work, I was ridiculously busy. Which is not surprising, considering I put time in on both Saturday and Sunday to keep a project moving forward. I left the office at six, returned to the office "virtually" at 6:45 and left again at 8:30. But I still had a square meal - crab-stuffed tillapia, stir-fried vegetables, cous-cous. And when I go to bed, my sheets will be clean. Tomorrow, I'll put on freshly-laundered clothes.

These perks come with living at home. Mama kindly fixes dinner every night - and it's usually balanced and nutritious. And I confess - and here, I admit how very spoiled I've become - she packs my lunch. She does the laundry - and she's a fanatic about it. Even though she showed me how to use the new washing machine, she doesn't want me to use it. Because she likes the laundry done a certain way. If she goes to Wal-Mart, she calls to see if I need anything: shampoo, mascara, granola bars.

And so, since I've moved home, I'm eating better - not that it was hard to surpass Cheerio's and Alfredo Broccoli Lipton Noodles most days. I'm clean and pressed - an improvement over not having a washer and dryer and trying to get by with wearing that shirt onemoretime. I'm stocked up and haven't been to Wal-Mart in weeks. And I figure, this is how men have it all. It's not because they're men. It's because they have wives.

Don't Call It A Comeback

Quietly, cautiously, I mark off the fifteenth day. The incessant hum in my brain seems to be lessening...a distant buzz. My heart is calm, its regular steady pulse instead of an erratic skid. Slumber goes on uninterrupted, and my biorhythms seem to have time to sink into the dark quiet instead of dancing around while I have my eyes closed.

And aside from that, life is getting, perhaps, easier? It is easier to breathe. And to laugh. And to make it through the day without thinking about purposefully stepping out into oncoming traffic.

At the same time, I'm afraid to consider this thing knocked out. Is it just wishful thinking? Is it just a blissful placebo effect? Or is it truly down for the count? One thing is for sure - if it comes back at me, the gloves are coming off.

Father Spice

Dad: "Ashley, are the Spice Girls still together?"

Me: "Well...actually, yes. They just reunited...why?"

Dad: "I just wondered."

Me: "Wow...questions I never thought my dad would ask me."

Dad: "Why not? That's who we're listening to."

Me: "No, Dad. This is the Dixie Chicks."

Unsolved Mysteries

Yesterday morning I read this article in the Wall Street Journal about the "7 Missing Wonders." It outlines seven missing treasures - some from the ancient world like Nefertiti's tomb and some from history as recent as World War II with the disappearance of The Amber Room. It could be my recent ruminations on Choose Your Own Adventure books that piqued my fascination or it could be the fantastic interactive treasure map that accompanies the story.

For the rest of the day, I thought about those missing artifacts, possibly somewhere in the world, possibly hidden by someone and shuttled from place to place to keep it so. Or resting quietly fathoms below the oceans, moldering on the ocean floor. Or simply nonexistent figments of a fictioneer's imagination. In some cases, the answer would probably be disappointing; in others, the answer could be even more sensational than we think. Whatever the case, I found it sort of thrilling that there is still real mystery in the world - delicious, treasure-hunting mystery that seems the stuff of good novels but is out there, a question mark followed by an ellipsis, keeping us all hanging wonderfully unsatisfied.