I'm wondering who I might petition about the placement of the state of Ohio. I know some Ohioans enjoy the proximity to Canada, but, if it were closer to, say, North Carolina, there would be the allure of the beach and the mountains. Everybody loves the beach and the mountains. And, as evidenced by the past weekend, some very important things are being prevented by the distance between these two states. For example:
* There is less modge-podging going on. And frankly, the world needs more thinly spread glue over pictures of Mr. Big and Dwight Schrute cut out of magazines.
* Improptu live concerts of "Me & Bobby McGee" and "Rockin' the Suburbs" are at an all time low.
* Krispy Kreme consumption is limited to late night, end-of-trip runs.
* The discovery of the wine cubes available at Target might have been prolonged even further.
* Less money is put into the North Carolina economy during shopping trips that involve buying accessories and clothes "just because" and I might never have purchased that great green tunic shirt.
* Not as many people know the joy of Old Time Pottery - where you can purchase a small bamboo rug, four drinking glasses, a hamburger flipper, two 6 x 8 pieces of art and a kitchen timer shaped like a chicken all for the bargain price of $18.75.
* Opportunities for great films such as "Justin Recounts a Bar Fight" and "Tom & Dave Talk Anchorman" go unrealized every day.
In conclusion, if I had a million dollars, I'd move Ohio.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
On the Placement of Ohio
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4 cat calls:
I second that motion!!
Talks are already underway with the Ohio government to do a State Exchange program with South Carolina. I feel that, with minimal geographic shifting, the two states could easily slide into each other's places.
Oh, man, I miss you guys. Let's all become famous and buy beachfront houses and be next door neighbors.
I'm serious.
Your idea reminds me of a children's book called The Scrambled States of America. Basically, the states decide that they are tired of being stuck in the same place all the time. So, they shuffle around and chaos ensues: Minnesota gets a sunburn, Mississippi and Nevada fall in love, etc. Very silly! My students loved it.
As an Ohioan, I wholeheartedely support moving the state. Somehow, though, Columbus needs to be close enough to Wilmington so I can keep my job and Alyssa can go back to her old job and consequently stop complaining about our having moved back to Ohio. That would be nice.
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