Dear Paris Hilton:
I get that you're not as dumb as you act and probably know what Wal-Mart is and really play up the spoiled little rich princess act on The Simple Life. And that's why I'm wondering why you allowed yourself to be photographed in bra made of two knitted doilies that look like the little covers my grandmother used to put over the extra toilet paper in the bathroom. Also, if you read the celebrity gossip sites, and I'm sure you do, you might notice that you appear there quite frequently in photos where you're showing your breast, nipple, thong or crotch. I'm guessing that those crazy photogs catch you when you don't know you're flashing the camera. So, on those occasions when you do know there's a camera, you should really consider taking a different approach. Underwear. Pants. A skirt? Hot pants at the least?? And lastly, being a girl with rather sizable feet myself, I empathize with the plight of the size elevens you're rocking there. But really. Carrie Bradshaw might pull that off without looking like a hooker. But you with your massive man-feet and fishnets sans panties? I smell a sequel to One Night in Paris. Just thought you should know. Because I don't really like you, but if I have to look at you, I'd like you to at least be presentable.
Thanks,
Ashley
P.S. I wouldn't be opposed to you sending me a small portion of your millions in return for my sage fashion advice.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
That's Knit!
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5 cat calls:
Holy crap, dude! She does have gargantuan man feet! That makes me feel a LOT better about myself. While she so small that she could fit inside me and work me like a puppet (a la Big Bird), at least I can rest assured that she probably goes to sleep at night crying because she doesn't have my dainty, delicate girl feet.
Also, I would just like to state for the record that my word verification on that last comment spelled "vadge," which is among the dirtiest words I've heard in a long, long time.
There is a Paris look-a-like posing in Playboy this month. They even have her advertised as Paris-- so you can see what she might look like naked.
I'm going to buy her CD. I am.
Vadge? Hmmm. Like, "Her feet are so scary that make me want to vadge."
Or, "That outfit is so vadge."
It reminds me something that the recent front-desk-person-from-hell might say.
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