Scrub-a-palooza '06 (or Why I Can Die Tonight)

Don't worry. I'm not planning to die tonight. But if I do, I'll know that my mother will never find the things I found in the kitchen when I decided to clean out the fridge, freezer and cabinets. It was a fairly grizzly scene, as some of the items that wound up in the trash should have met their end a long time ago. I don't clean out like this very often. Which would explain why I discarded

* Not one but two containers of spoiled milk

* At least three containers of chewy-looking ice cream

* Two unidentifiable iced-over meat products (one including a best if used by date of February 2005)

* A box of Cheez-Its that were no longer orange

* A bag of chips that were unopened when I found them but tasted like dust

* Two boxes of Triscuits from an unknown time (following the chips, I did not taste them to determine their condition)

And Mom, sorry that you don't have any cool packs at home. There are no less than 8 in my freezer.

I have since moved on to the bedroom where approximately 26 pairs of shoes have escaped their boxes and the clean laundry from three weeks ago is still in the clothes basket.

Scrub-a-palooza '06 was powered by the music of The Killers, Justin Timberlake, Our Lady Peace, Heather Nova, Saint Etienne and Smashing Pumpkins. Refreshments provided by Elizabeth's Pizza and Michelob Amberbock.