I, Bridesmaid: A Review

Three days, two time zones and four plane rides later, I am back in NC with Mr. Kudzu. Jenn & Dan had the luck of a fantastic weekend of wedding weather - although a wee bit on the crisp side if you're going to be wearing a strapless gown. Jenn looked lovely, and the ceremony was at the perfect time of day with all the golden late afternoon light coming into the church. As for how I did with my bridesmaid performance...well, you know what they say about good intentions.

The dress I was supposed to wear elegantly? Broke it. Despite the full-torso torture bra trying to hold me in and the scary panties popular with grannies the world over, I somehow managed to bust the strap on my dress. During pictures. And just after that, the photographer said for us to lean forward, and I said, "You don't want me to do that." Several safety pins later, I gave in to the fact that dress was not meant to be held together, took the straps off and apologized in advance for any indecent exposure. By the end of the night, the overuse of my groove thang had also broken the boning in the dress which was sticking out just above my hip.

Crying delicately? I did that pretty well. Although there was a moment when suddenly everyone disappeared just after Jenn was all dressed, and I did threaten to cry her a river. But during the service, I had a secret kleenex hidden in the palm of my hand which I used to stem the tide during a prayer. Very clever.

Up & down the aisle, I managed to make it without incident. And I even avoided collision with the grand piano when moving out of the way for Jenn & Dan to light the unity candle.

As for the dancing. Well. Oh, my. I am afraid to report that I lost my head completely and danced to nearly every song with unabashed gusto. I couldn't quite tell if the wedding guests were entertained or confused by my don't-stop-til-you-get-enough momentum, but I was like a crazy person out there. And just when I had settled down and said I wasn't going to dance anymore, they played "Devil Went Down to Georgia" and you know I ain't sittin' that one out. Move out of the way, y'all. It's time to break out the clogging.

And so, Jenn & Dan, sorry about the inevitable slew of pictures that will feature yours truly in the throws of some bizarre and uncoordinated dance move. But I had a good time. Congrats.