House Cat (Reposted)

This post initially appeared on Smartini as a response to a prompt to personify our pets I remembered it when I was paging through entries on kudzu jungle about Kudzu. And, aside from being a spot-on characterization of Kudzu, I thought it terribly ironic that the Zu has become his own diagnostic mystery.

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He's sardonic. Dismissive. He's going to tell you like it is - even though you might not like it. He's smarter than you, and there's nothing you can do about it, and he's going to be in your face about it every chance he gets. It's not unusual for him to turn tail and walk away while you're in mid-sentence, as though he has neither the time nor the inclination to hear what you have to say. And if he stays, and you say the wrong thing, he just might cut you off in the middle and tell you what he thinks - and he's probably right. There are a thousand reasons why you should categorically really not like this guy, except - except he's irresistible.

Dearest Kudzu, so like Gregory House, MD. Cantankerous and beloved. Soulful eyes with a pinch of cutting intellect. Plus, Hugh Laurie is Australian and does a technically perfect British accent that reflects the aristocratic tone in which I imagine Kudzu might say something like, "That's not your color, but I wager you're going to wear it anyway."

He's always thinking, and he's always one step ahead of you. It's exasperating. But you're so glad he's around because - despite all his sometimes-prickly ways - he's really quite lovable. You must accept that on the outside, he's going to sass you. He will do as he pleases and the consequences be damned (because he knows that in most cases, he can escape the consequences). He's going to be independent and pretend he doesn't need you. But deep down, you know he does.

At the end of the day, no matter how many times he's scrambled out of your arms or away from your cuddles, he's going to come up to bed and settled down at your feet. He's predictable like that. He may pretend he wants to go, may act like he doesn't care. But he does. You just have to accept the facade and look for what's beneath the fur - the beast has less bite than he lets on.

The Professor: A List

* Has broken his nose ELEVEN times wrestling and playing football. I have only broken my nose once, and it was without a doubt the worst pain I've ever experienced.

* Also thinks that Heart of Darkness is a putrid waste of paper - just slightly ahead of The Good Earth.

* Nearly vibrates with hyper energy - like, his general frequency sometimes makes me tired.

* Has a pet peeve about people who have names that are nicknames - like Jack. He says no one should be named Jack because they should be named John and called Jack. Jack is probably my favorite boy's name.

* Told me about reading a book about cats in a store downtown and finding it really interesting. But not interesting enough to get a cat. We all know how I feel about my cat.

* Thinks that my laugh is charming - which is good because I laugh a) a lot b) loudly and c) rather forcefully.

* Totally adopted my fries-with-feta habit at The Grill.

* Am wondering if he should get his own blog label?

* Had a stuttering problem as a child and endured a lot of speech therapy. I've never heard crisper "t's."

* Called me a "pretty gal" tonight - as in, "I like to be able to buy a pretty gal dinner." To which I responded, "Did you really just say that?"

* Is a connoisseur of beer. My favorite bar downtown is a beer garden, and I feel hopelessly inept ordering after him.

* Somehow ended up in a conversation with me about bra sizes tonight? How does this happen to me?

* Owns a pretty impressive house with grown-up furniture in it. Like matching grown-up furniture.

* Has not read Harry Potter. I know, I know. He's getting a pass for a few months, but he better get on it.

* Is very patient about my disdain for academia.

* Knows I won't go out with him on Tuesdays because of House and Fringe.

* Really wants to take me out for Indian food which has me envisioning myself as Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly.

* Thinks I am infinitely wise about pop culture and music. He was so proud watching SNL a couple of weeks ago and recognizing The Killers.

* Sat with me on a bench tonight and let me tell him why I'm obsessed with Twilight...and that I'm not good at arguing, prefer the path of least resistance and that I might have to call my parents and tell them I'd be later than I thought. And he thought all of that was okay.

Tube Bits

As pointed out by the illustrious Pen, the fall TV season is upon us. I'm notorious for killing shows by liking them (like...Women's Murder Club, Studio 60, Carnivale...), but I remain undeterred and reviewed the fall lineup for this year's possibilities.

I will continue, of course, watching ProRun through the fall, and I confess, I got hooked into the premiere of Top Design the other night. Any show that includes the quote, "Every gay has a dog. Get over it." is one I'm likely to watch. Plus, they're going to be doing an episode where they design for former ProRun contestants including Santino and ANDRE!!! I can hardly wait to find out what happened to Andre!

I'll be adding to my regular ProRun viewing as other shows begin premiering - like HOUSE which premiers onthe 16th, and I AM STOKED - and I've decided to give a few new(er) shows a watch or two and see if they feel like regulars.

Fringe premieres this Tuesday at 9 p.m. on Fox. From J.J. Abrams of Lost and Alias fame, this is another puzzling conspiracy theory. And it includes the bonus of Josh Jackson - Pacey's all grown up y'all. I think I would've liked Lost if I had gotten hooked into it at the right time, so I'm going to be a good girl and watch the first ep and ride the wave with everybody else.

The Big Bang Theory starts on the 22nd at 8 on CBS. It's in its second season, so maybe I won't kill it just be checking on the first few eps of season 2. I need a little comedy in my life, and while House is hilarious, it's darkly so, and I hope maybe this will infuse a little light-hearted geek-omedy into my life.

Chuck, also in its second season, starts again on the 29th at 8 p.m. on NBC. The marketing team has done a stellar job on this one. The promos have me intrigued enough to tune in for the premiere. The question is will it deliver enough to keep me tuned in.

Big Bang and Chuck are in a competing time slot, as are Project Runway and Do Not Disturb, a new Fox comedy that I considered. Plus, I'll be picking up Grey's and possibly E.R. for old time's sake when they return, so it's questionable how many shows I'll really have the time and inclination to watch.

So much boob tube. So little time.

House Hits Home

Even though I was hopping mad that I missed the season finale of House last week, I somehow didn't find the time to watch the episode on the Internets (thank you, Sus) until yesterday. I wasn't prepared. If you're a fan of the show and haven't caught the season-ender, I warn you not to read further.

If you're not a fan of the show, what you may not know is that House has a knack for taking the bizarre and seemingly-unconnected symptoms of patients and turning it into a diagnosis, all within about 47 minutes. And, sure, patients sometimes die. But in most cases, House comes through.

This week, though, he didn't. Even though he identified the victim - best friend Wilson's girlfriend who also was a former intern under House - he wasn't able to save her. (Note this means that a main secondary character died.) Cause of death? A nasty case of the flu...which prompted her to take a medication that shut down her kidneys after a traumatic bus accident. It wasn't so much the flu part that got me. It was that they rendered her unconcious while they puzzled out the diagnosis and revived her to tell her she's dying.

There was this scene where she's just woken up and all the characters come visit her in a montage. At the end of it, Wilson's holding her and he asks why she's not angry. She says, "Because that's not the last thing I want to experience." And then Wilson tells her he loves her and shuts the life support off - and that was what got me. That is what's still haunting me. Because I couldn't help comparing it to our situation. And wondering, if that last moment, Ronnie had been awake to say goodbye, what would I have said? What would Anna have said? And is it something, the during the night, comes to her in a dream, wakes her up, and makes her grieve all over again for not getting that chance?

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good
*David Gray is likely to have a new album out before the end of the year and he claims it is more like his early work. I am breathless with anticipation.

* Summer hours start at work next week. Hello, 9-to-4 on Fridays!

* Counting Crows are kicking off the Summer in the Park series on Good Morning America on Friday.

* Braves game on Thursday - my first trip to The Ted in almost a decade!

* Getting more and more certain that Dillon's going to be left-handed.

The Bad
* May be in love with a country musician.

* Missed House season finale last night because I am programmed for it to be on Tuesday but, as if the writers' strike wasn't enough, they moved House after it returned. Egads.

* Must work on Friday night. Blech.

* ABC canceled Women's Murder Club. Booooooo!

The Ugly
* My lower back just north of where the good Lord split me, sunburned to the nth degree after weekend yard work. Guess there was a gap between my tank and my shorts.

* My room, scattered with clothes worn over the past three weeks and littered with half-unpacked bags.

* My brain...not a great string of days here in the last 8 to 10

* Envy...the Rockstar heads to Ireland and Spain tomorrow.

* I'm grumpy as hell.

Baby Got Back Pain

To add insult to injury (quite literally), cruel fortune has dealt me another blow. The chronic back pain that I've experienced for years, that seemed to have faded into a dull ache, has reared its head with wincing sharpness. Right at the base of my spine, it feels for all the world like someone has smashed me with a lead pipe.

It started on Saturday, a twinge here and there. But Sunday morning, I was stepping gingerly, and by the post-church walk to the car, I almost took Justin up on his offer to carry me. Every step sent shooting pain right up to my shoulder blades. I was holding my breath and my whole body tensed in an effort to keep me from moving in the wrong direction. The ride home yesterday was excruciating. I had no choice but to drive, having headed to Anna's house straight from the ATL office on Friday.

This morning, I almost couldn't get my socks off. I couldn't bend. I couldn't lift my leg. I went to work with an IcyHot patch the size of my lower torso stuck to the offending area and giving off an offending odor. I walked slowly and carefully today. And when I came home, I sat in the recliner on the heating pad. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to break down and call the doctor - even if the last place I want to be is a medical office of any sort. It's either that, or consider going House-style and picking out a cane for myself.

Ash's Must-See TV

While I'm not usually one for regularly scheduled programs, particularly the network fare, I find myself parking it in front of the boob tube on a regular basis these days. It's a commentary on the gripping life I lead...but you know, if you're looking for something to watch, and Pen's regularly scheduled programming hasn't let you to what you seek, check out these prime-time gems.

Monday - 8 p.m., GPTV, Antiques Roadshow
Okay, so I know it's kind of lame that I watch Antiques Roadshow with my parents every Monday. But it makes them happy and it appeals to my nerdy love of odd history and such. Plus, it's always a bonus when someone from the bowels of south Georgia comes up with a piece of pottery they bought for a quarter at a garage sale that's worth $20k. I'm getting really good at spotting which ones are going to be big-tickets.

Tuesday - 9 p.m., Fox, House
I love this show. I love this man - this odious, cynical, unjust, brilliant man. I want to be verbally and emotionally abused by Gregory House. I can't get enough of the wicked humor and quirky relationships on this show. (And I missed it tonight because I erroneously thought it was a rerun - egads!)

Wednesday, 10 p.m., Bravo, Project Runway
Tim Gunn alongside a cardboard box would entertain me. The fact that he's surrounded by 15 catty designing divas and the caricature-ish Michael Kors and Nina Garcia really ups the ante for me. Carry on!

Friday, 8 p.m., Men in Trees
Think of this show, now in its second season, as Northern Exposure meets Sex and the City. Other than the fact that I sometimes space out for a second or two thinking about how odd Anne Heche is in real life, I love her character Marin, a relationship coach jilted by her high-profile fiance who then retreats to Alaska. She hosts a radio show, and her monologue is often very Carrie Bradshaw-esque. The scenery is gorgeous and the supporting cast is equally charming - including Orlando Jones as a very persnickety gay man partnered by Mario Cantone of S&TC fame.

Friday, 9 p.m., Women's Murder Club
I know, I know. I virtually just assured myself a spot in the Single Cat Lady Hall of Fame with this admission. And Kim may no longer be my friend because the lead, Angie Harmon, just happens to be the sister of the sinister and much-hated Mark Harmon. (Ask her, she'll tell you the story.) But it's a good show. And it also features Rob Estes, who starred in the USA Network Original Series Silk Stalkings, of which I was a big fan. I never quite got over the death of his character Sgt. Chris Lorenzo, so I'm really just happy to see him alive.

Addendum: After consulting IMDB, I have discovered that Angie Harmon is actually no relation to Mark Harmon. Kim, consider yourself cleared to join the Women's Murder Club.