Words of Wisdom

Seen on a bumper sticker on the way home today:

To Save a Tree, Get Rid of a Bush

In the Eye of the Beholder

When I was in Salt Lake City, I sat in a seminar led by the Unilever Corporation exec and the VP at the marketing firm that was responsible for the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. Many of you have probably seen this video, titled Evolution. The woman featured is just an average woman, a cartoonist. And when they showed her the final billboard, she didn't recognize herself.

The reason that Dove launched the campaign was in response to the results of a survey conducted that found that an astounding 80 percent of women did not consider themselves beautiful. Many teenagers said they would avoid life activities, such as going to school and playing sports, because of how they look. This led to the iconic little girls commercial that debuted during the Superbowl and showed young girls with tags like "Thinks she's fat" and "Hates her freckles." The whole campaign is beyond marketing genius - it's taken on a role of social commentary that's extraordinary.

And now Dove has launched a new campaign (and, of course, a new product) that features older women in the nude and promotes the ProAge product line. The stance is that beauty has no age limit. Bravo to Dove for finding another way to support women of all ages in feeling beautiful.

My Life the Democracy

Perhaps it's something to do with being the youngest of three, but I've always had to live my life as a sort of democracy. Major decisions are not completely decided by me - the president of my life. Instead, there's a rather cumbersome system of checks and balances. Even when I think that it's just my vote that counts, I find that it's a delicate, political maneuver getting anything passed through.

There's the Sisterly Senate and the House of Brotherly Representatives. And on the other side the Supreme Parental Justices. Any decision made by the president may be vetoed by Congress or found altogether unacceptable according the Familial Constitution by Your Honors. The executive branch is often wrestled to the ground by the powerhouse politicians on the other side.

Currently, the State of the Union isn't so great. I'd have to say that there's some disagreement between the various branches of government. A sort of coup d'etat brewing with Congress and the Justices in cahoots to overthrow me. I can't help but wonder if carefully maintained democracy is overrated. I'm ready to throw up my hands and embrace anarchy, just for peace of mind.

Viva la revolution!

Dear Kate Winslet,

Here you are on the red carpet at the Oscars. Thirty-one years old, and the youngest actress ever to have accrued five Oscar nominations. And you are lovely! Thank you for being young and fresh and elegant. And normal-sized. I really applaud the normal-sized bit. Keep up the good (normal-sized) work.

XO,
Ash

Job Wanted

Seeking job with the following attributes:
* Great salary (i.e. my beloved Rav4 will not be repossessed; can make rent each month)
* Great benefits (i.e. when I get sick, I can go to the doctor)
* Great boss (i.e. do not get yelled at for things that are not my fault; congratulated on jobs well done; offered criticism with tact and insight)
* Great company (i.e. not advocating the exploitation of children and old people)
* Great hours (i.e. between 9 and 5 most days; not 7 to 7 most days - I like sunlight)

Skills offered to potential employer:
* Excellent with witty repartee, puns, and inappropriate jokes
* Fashionably and endearingly late
* Can drink my weight in coffee
* Highly developed negotiation skills with irrational clients, peevish vendors, and ridiculous coworkers
* Patience...carefully, painfully honed patience
* Will work for food

Chasing Away the Winter Doldrums In Style

I read Meg's blog this week about how February has her down. I agree...it's the shortest month of the year, and yet, somehow the longest. It's the end of winter, and the anticipation of spring is almost tangible. Even the days at work lately have been unbearable...but maybe that isn't so much the weather. Anyhoo. I decided to fight the blahs with a little fake online shopping. Behold the $651 Manolo Blahnik open-toed Orsay sandals. Deelish.

Threesdays: Wilmywood

Three things I didn't know I loved so much until I moved to Wilmywood:

1) Spanish Moss

2) Sushi

3) Counting the chimes from the courthouse clocktower at midnight

Just Doing My Job

At work and currently thinking about

* The enormous gathering of dust and Kudzu hair I noticed under the bookcase this morning

* Needing stamps to mail bills that will drain my bank account

* A second cup of coffee at 11:11 a.m.

* Lunch at downtown hotel which inevitably consists of scary stuffed chicken and vegetable medley

* Dirty car

* Weekend to-do list (dishes, floors, bathroom, clothes pile, blogging, real simple catchup, figuring out how to wear a headband without looking 14)

* Spending too much money last weekend

* Gary Jules "Mad World"

* Going back to bed

Update: I was just reminded that I am also thinking about how much I love my graphic designer, S.

Tori-licious

Tori Amos is releasing her 9th studio album this May. American Doll Posse will hit stores May 1 and Amos will launch a major world tour later that month. I haven't seen Tori in concert since the Choirgirl Hotel tour, Chastain Park Amphitheatre, circa 1998. I think I might have to mark my calendar for a night with her and the faeries. Based on this promo photo, one can only guess what to expect from the new album.

Hooray for Thairapy

Dear Britney:
Now that you've made it to rehab, please stay there until you're better. I'm not sure what took Mama Spears so long to get to you from the bayou. And I'm not sure what exactly the problem is. Symptoms seem to include appearing in public without your th-th-th-thong, striving for the Guiness Book's most chemically damaged hair, and then ridding yourself of said hair all together. You haven't been seen with your boo-boos in quite a while, and frankly, FedEx is looking more like a responsible adult than you these days. That Superbowl commercial he did was actually kind of funny. But I digress.

Obviously, you've found some bad influences, what with taking a leaf out of Lohan's Party Til You Die Guide and allowing Paris Hilton to lead you around with your lady parts hanging out. And I won't even call into evidence those horrible pictures of you with your mouth full of burgers and fries - I'm pretty sure Mama Spears taught you better manners than that.

I know you're maybe pining for J. Timberlake, but I gotta tell you, honey, I'm quite certain that he's sighing with relief rather than sighing with longing. So maybe you should focus on you. Detox. Grow out your locks. Cover up your box. Get back to being a fox. Consider this Dr. Seuss' guide to rehab. Good luck.

XO,
Ash

Studio 60 Gets 86ed

I could feel it coming. I mean, really. As soon as I got attached, I knew that it was going to be doomed. Like Carnivale - cancelled. And as an aside to HBO - I'm still wondering if Jonesy died. Like the perfume I wear - discontinued. Like the string of hairdressers I've left behind me in Wilmywood - lost, missing, abandoned, incarcerated. Studio 60 is airing its last episode tonight in favor of a replacement drama. A new mob show created by Paul Haggis of Crash fame. So tune in tonight and bid farewell to Danny and Matt, Harriet and Jordan. And Aaron Sorkin's brilliance. And sadly, sadly, my weekly installment of Bradley Whitford. Mondays just got more Mondayish.

Threesdays: Stop Talking

As we all know from Schoolhouse Rocks, three is the magic number. So on Thursdays, I've decided to start sharing three of something. Three thoughts, three likes, three songs I can't get out of my head. I posted a few weeks ago about the words that seem to be floating around the office. And now there are three things I keep hearing myself say that have started to make me want to twitch a little bit every time they come out of my mouth. Let's jump right in, shall we?

1) "Just FYI" - Used to preface a statement I mean to be an ironic announcement. As in, "Just FYI, I will be developing a new protocol for developing protocol." Generally used to mock concepts I find to be blatantly ridiculous.

2) "Hysterical" - Everything I find amusing these days is beyond just funny. It's hysterical. Annoyance comes in not so much in usage as in pronunciation. The way I'm sitting on the "hys" syllable so it comes out sounding like "It's hissssterical." I'm pretty sure I picked this up from my boss.

3) "There is that" - Used in an attempt to get the last word after someone makes a joke that I can't best. When I can't out-joke the joke, I try to use someone else's wit for my own devices. It's like affirming someone's cleverness but secretly declaring my own cleverness. "Yes, you're witty. But I recognized it." There is that.

Heartfelt Thanks

To all of you who made three of our four Donors Choose proposals a reality, thank you! Because of the donations, three classrooms are getting much needed tools for learning and developing imaginations.

We've even gotten a thank you note from one of the teachers we supported:

Thank you so much for your willingness to help my students. I've told them that we will be getting Time Magazine for Kids and we will be able to use them in both reading and social studies class. They are all very excited. My students and I are very fortunate to be able to count on wonderful people like you to help make learning more fun. Thanks again. Sincerely, Ms. Creech

Kudos to Niki for her great idea to do something special to celebrate Valentine's Day - a holiday that for some conjures a sickly feeling over all that red and pink and sweetness. It feels better to have used the holiday for good rather than evil. So thanks for sharing the love!

Divination?

I had a dream last night about reading Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. My brother and I were both reading copies in separate rooms, and I was really mad that he'd somehow gotten ahead of me. In my dream, Ron died. I don't remember how, but I remember there was a funeral scene. And whatever Justin was reading ahead of me was making him cry. And for Justin to cry over a book, it would have to be uber-sad.

I've been saying all along that the Weasleys were going to have to lose one. But I didn't think it would be Ron. Perhaps I've gotten in touch with my inner eye...

Who Loves You, Baby?

Big Hearts

The little thermometer to the the right has been steadily rising and two of our four Donors Choose proposals in the Bloggers Challenge have been fully funded - hooray! Now some deserving kids are going to get Time Magazine for Kids and a digital photo printing dock for their story projects. And now we've got just the two proposals left - which include another writing project and drama prop needs. So just a reminder to Share the Love before Valentine's Day arrives...

Ain't It the Truth?

Seen tacked to the door of a surgeon with whom I had a meeting this morning:

Phases of a Project
1) Enthusiasm
2) Disillusionment
3) Panic
4) Search for the guilty
5) Punishment for the innocent
6) Praise and honor for the non-participants

I copied this down while pretending to take copious, detailed notes.

Bloglect

It's been one of those weeks some of my fellow bloggers have warned me about. The well of ideas ran dry on me. Or else, it wasn't so much that the well ran dry as it was that the well was filled with water not fit for public consumption.

I spent the day in the car driving home to see family - and Dillon. And I tried to drown out the sound of my own thoughts with the radio. But all the lyrics seemed to play right into what I was thinking about and dig into me. Despite crossing state lines, I didn't escape anything that I might've thought I could leave behind in Wilmywood.

Right now, life in general is like writing a short story. I have some characters, some plot, some scenes. I have a few knowns and a lot of unknowns. And I've got to sit down at that blank page and figure out how the story goes.

3 Days & Counting

Finally the new parents saw fit to send me some photos! I was beginning to think no one loved me. I'm headed to Atlanta this weekend to see the little guy - and I can't wait!

Giraff-ic

Happy giraffe t-shirt purchased at Target. I love Target.

Confessions of a Wayward Marketer

Tonight - as you all know - is the Superbowl. It's the biggest night in football. But perhaps surpassing the importance of the football game these days are the commercials. At $2.6 million per 30 second spot, advertisers are paying a nice chunk of change for the airtime and the buzz.

And you know what? I don't care. I know I ought to care. It's like being in the music industry and not watching the Grammys. It's the night of nights for advertising - the one televised event all year in which there's an equal amount of commentary about the programming and the commercials. I am in marketing and advertising and I have absolutely zero interest in watching advertising's big night. Maybe it's because the hype surrounding it has eclipsed the enjoyment. Or maybe it's because I know every single spot of interest will be available on You Tube about an hour after the game ends. Maybe it's because I'm not at a Superbowl party with chips and beer. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure I could be stripped of my credentials for this.

Daddy Loves Dillon

Dial M for Murder

Dear 264-7440:
This is a cease and desist request. Stop calling me. We are not - nor have we ever been - friends. I don't know you. And you don't know me. I think we've established that from the awkward pause from you after I pick up the phone and the way you say "hello" with a definite question mark like you don't know who you called. I wouldn't think much of it except that you keep calling. How is it that you keep calling the same wrong number? How stupid are you?

I would think by now that you would be more careful when dialing your phone. But no! You called me twice when I was in Atlanta, once in the week that followed, twice on Tuesday, and even though I left my cell phone at home today on accident, I noticed that you called twice in a row this morning. Get a clue! I am not your boyfriend or the man you wish was your boyfriend or the man you're stalking. I don't know who you're trying to call, but it isn't me. Or if it is, I don't want to talk to you.

Hang it up,
Ash

Sweet Cheeks

Another trip to Crazy J for me this afternoon and now I'm sporting color he considers his "best tonal match ever" on me and a cut inspired by Tara Conner, fallen Miss USA, because, well, she may be a tramp but after seeing her on Good Morning America today, Crazy J decided I needed her bangs.

As we neared the end of our visit and Crazy J was weilding the blow dryer and fingering through my hair, I noticed that I was making a funny face. And I couldn't stop. I started to laugh and told Crazy J why. "Model cheeks, honey," he said. "Ninety percent of the women whose hair I cut can't help but get the model cheeks. And it's always during the styling." He went back to blow-drying and I went back to cheeking. And when he finished, I really gave him the face and he said, "I know, girl. You look good."

JULY 21!!!

In the dead of the night, J.K. Rowling announced on her official site that the release date for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be July 21 in the U.K. and the U.S. That means less than six months from now, we can hold book 7 in our hands. That means we should be seeing real cover art before too long. And despite the fact that it's first thing in the morning at the office, and I'm supposed to be doing work, I had to post, lest I get called out on the carpet for not having the news first. I wonder if I should take the day off to begin preparations - incessant rereading, conjecture, focus groups...