The Two Faces of Wednesday

Right now, I kind of see my new job like a surveyor. I'm taking measurements and sizing up the landscape. Getting a feel for the terrain and compiling a list of areas that are pleasant, dangerous, under construction.

Today, the ATown office gang had our own little retreat at a rustic and charming farmhouse in a neighboring town. We talked about the past, present and future of our motley little crew. And I was operating in my space: comfortable in thinking and talking and envisioning. This kind of conversation is what I'm good at...what I suspect they might have hired me for, this ability to do this for other companies: assess, strategize, imagine. I felt a surge of belonging - not because I suddenly feel like my life is falling into place - but because in the moment, I felt like I belonged in that arena. And after so many months and so many moments spent on treacherous footing, it was a relief to find a ledge to stand on for a few moments and breathe.

And then I got home...only to go back to the office virtually. I spent a couple of hours reinputting my time from the past month in the wake of a massive data loss by the accounting program. And then I spent another hour or hour and a half working on documents and strategy for the Client Who Cannot Escape Crisis Mode. And at 9:30 when my mother went to bed, I was still working on these things. All the warm fuzzy feelings I felt earlier started to recede, and I wondered...can I keep doing this? Can this become my work schedule? And in this odd period of my life where I have no life, how frighteningly easy would it be to fall into this pattern and never have any sort of life?

I'm taking a vacation day on Friday to go to Wilmywood, and for a second, I thought about what an inopportune time it is...how clients have expectations, how things need to get done, and I thought--. But no. I'm not going to start that. I'm going to take my day. I'm going to have a life. Warm fuzzies be damned.