Saturday, May 10, 2008

U-nope-ia

This is not a post about a revolutionary idea. This is a post about a revelationary moment.

Everywhere you turn, no matter what stage of life you are in, there is the pressure to be perfect in it.

Okay. So you're thinking, yeah, so?

So I was watching TV the other day and a Target commercial came on - the one that has the Beatles' "Hello Goodbye" in it. It's one of those stark red and white commercials they've rolled out, commercials I've admired for their simplicity, ingenuity and strong branding. But on this day, I took off my marketing hat and put on my consumer hat and really looked at that which I consumed.

And I realized that the 30 seconds were jam-packed with anesthetized utopian presentations of various stages of life. Love and marriage, birth and family. Everyone smiling. Everyone neat and clean and antiseptic. And in that moment, I found it almost scary.

Now I see it everywhere I turn - this utopia, this smiling, khaki-and-white clad, gadding-about-town family. The attractive husband and the lovely wife. The well-dressed children. The picture-perfect family gathering.

I've been in the industry for over seven years, and I know how it works. It's all about presenting the iconic image of what we want. It's all about defining an absence and proposing a solution. And for a sparkling clean floor, that's okay. But for life, well, it's just...sad. It's just sad to be surrounded by images and messages about all that we lack. Not just the things we lack - but the people and circumstances we lack. And not only do we lack them, they don't even exist.

Life isn't perfect when you're in love; I can only assume that holds true even after you marry. Children are a blessing - and a burden. Families are wonderful and maddening. And for every happy gathering, every family member you love and treasure, there's got to be at least one who's totally dysfunctional and certifiably crazy.

There are perfect moments in life, for sure. There are moments when it all comes together. When you breathe it in. When you are alive. But they are fragile, spun-glass moments, just filaments barely holding together. And this place, this magical utopian place where the table is fashionably set for 18 of your closest friends and relatives in their designer best and their Crest white smiles? I'll check my Garmin, but I don't think it's out there.

But we look for it. By God, we wear ourselves out searching for it. We castigate ourselves for all the things we're not, and we worry over what we don't have. We worry about the places we're not and the people we're not. We strive and strive for something else...to say hello to the perfect and goodbye to the imperfect...and really, we're just stuck with something in between.

So the point is...the point is I'm going to try to stop buying in to all this. I'm going to try to shut out the messages - the ones I sometimes help create - and just figure out me and whether or not that's a good thing or a bad thing based on an entirely different set of standards.

7 cat calls:

mendacious said...

excellent!
here's to the authentic life, you woman warrior you.

ashley said...

Coming soon, M, is my list of things to do while single and living the high life until prince charming shows up...

Faydra, joy in reality is the way to go. It's just something you've got to keep reminding yourself, right? Because everywhere you turn, there's something to tell you that joy is elusive now but not if you have new placemats from Target.

jenn said...

Amen! Not to sound all preachy and weird or anything, but as I've started watching a lot less TV over the years, I've noticed how nice it feels not to be exposed as much to the media image of perfection. Not that I'm going to stop watching "Grey's" or anything, but the more we can avoid these unrealistic images--or at least be aware of what non-existent things they are trying to sell--the better off we will be. Love this post!

Kurt said...

It helps if you don't want or need any of the products that are for sale.

laura said...

love this post. life is messy. at least mine is- and i agree that it's insane the amount of time we waste trying to convince ourselves and others that life is something other than wonderfully messy and maddening at times.

Cue said...

"Families are wonderful and maddening." -- YES. Having worked for some who are striving to portray the ideal, I have to say -- don't! Those commercials get me, too, and then I have this "wait a minute..." moment where I consider the reality of what all that means.

Also? What Kurt said. :)

penelope said...

Wait, married with kids isn't perfect, wha?

Amen, sister. Awesome post. (Kind of missed it the first time around.)