Feminist Fatale

Dear Ms. Gerdes,
I read, with great interest, your recent column lambasting the feminist doctrine of Sex & the City. And I must heartily disagree with you that the gals of S&TC are bad for young career women. I'm not sure how you can make that claim when you look at the four women on the show - Carrie, who decided not to give up the career she loved for The Russian; Miranda, who made being a high-powered attorney work with being a mom; Samantha, who's chosen to have neither children nor a husband in lieu of career and a life lived at her whim; and Charlotte, who did give up her career for family - but that's what she wanted to do. And maybe that doesn't qualify for your definition of career woman, but to me, that's the beauty of the show: it's a cross-section of women choosing different careers in ways that work for them.

So why all the bitterness and judgment? Isn't the message there that you can do what you want to do? And isn't that, in and of itself a "feminist" message for women? I think possibly, you should rewatch the episode where Carrie catches Samantha with the Fed-Ex delivery man for a PSA on judgment.

You uphold three people in your column. Gloria Steinham, Hillary Clinton, and Jenna Jamison (really???). While I find Steinham and Clinton inspiring in what they've done making inroads for women everywhere, I don't think they're like me. I don't identify with them. To me, it's taking feminism back to a level that made it hard for a lot of women to swallow by making it radical in its definition. In order to be feminist - and here's where you uphold yourself as "feminist" - you have to renounce marriage and family, devote yourself wholly to your career, and idolize political and social icons. It's taking feminism and limiting it to those who choose this all-or-nothing approach and those who are willing to make a statement with their lives.

That's not me. I don't want to make a statement. Other than that I am a woman and I feel empowered to do what I want to do and that I am still strong and still independent even if that vision of who I am and what I want to be includes marriage and a family. And right now? I am a career woman, but I don't think that's what makes me feminist as much as my belief that women can be whatever they want. I object to the idea that being a wife and mother - whether a SAHM or working mother - is anti-feminist.

Plus, I'd like to remind you that S&TC is entertainment. That's what made it fun. That it wasn't a documentary about Gloria Steinham. That it was about women who had all sorts of insecurities and frailties (not whiny as you suggest) and problems with men and career (I assume you've had these?) and that they looked fabulous while dealing with it.

And lastly, I should probably remind us both that we're talking about a television show. A ground-breaking one. A generation-defining one. A revolutionary one, even. But also one that was written to engage us, make us laugh, make us think. And that in and of itself, should grab it a place in the feminist hall of fame.

So you may be disillusioned by S&TC. But me? I still uphold my pink suede box set with pride.

Viva la Bradshaw!
Ash