All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the bios... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin.
-Aunt Voula, My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Dear STGD (aka S, the graphic designer),
Perhaps most of my readership doesn't know that you are, in fact, my cosmic twin. They aren't aware of the catalog of strange coincidental traits we share. Let's list, shall we? There's the rosacea. And the sweaty, sweaty armpit - just on the right side. The fast-growing fingernails and the ladder-climber sleep position. And the fact that when we're tired, we tuck our thumbs in our fists. Neither of us are particularly down with OPC (Other People's Children) or social situations we anticipate will make us uncomfortable. We share mad love for Dunkin' Donuts coffee and black cats. We never put garbage in its rightful place. I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting - like the many times one of us has told a story only to have the other say, "Me, too!".
Point is, I'm pretty sure my superpowers are waning now that we're apart. And since you well know that I'm tacky and unable to distinguish colors, it can only get worse from here. Aside from that, I feel like I might actually be assuming a more appropriate demeanor at home - I'm losing my edge, no longer burping aloud or making vulgar comments at every turn. I've even been wearing shirts that cover up my cleavage. I might actually be suitable for employment with *gasp* normal people soon. Quelle horreur! I'm quite certain you're the only one who might be able to rescue me. I just don't want to see my cosmic powers get 1031ed - you know what I mean?
If we could just try taking the form of supersonic flight, that would be great. Or else one of us is going to have to move. I did that last week. So it's your turn.
Love ya,
Ash
P.S. Wouldn't we look hot in these outfits?
Dear STGD (aka S, the graphic designer),
Perhaps most of my readership doesn't know that you are, in fact, my cosmic twin. They aren't aware of the catalog of strange coincidental traits we share. Let's list, shall we? There's the rosacea. And the sweaty, sweaty armpit - just on the right side. The fast-growing fingernails and the ladder-climber sleep position. And the fact that when we're tired, we tuck our thumbs in our fists. Neither of us are particularly down with OPC (Other People's Children) or social situations we anticipate will make us uncomfortable. We share mad love for Dunkin' Donuts coffee and black cats. We never put garbage in its rightful place. I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting - like the many times one of us has told a story only to have the other say, "Me, too!".
Point is, I'm pretty sure my superpowers are waning now that we're apart. And since you well know that I'm tacky and unable to distinguish colors, it can only get worse from here. Aside from that, I feel like I might actually be assuming a more appropriate demeanor at home - I'm losing my edge, no longer burping aloud or making vulgar comments at every turn. I've even been wearing shirts that cover up my cleavage. I might actually be suitable for employment with *gasp* normal people soon. Quelle horreur! I'm quite certain you're the only one who might be able to rescue me. I just don't want to see my cosmic powers get 1031ed - you know what I mean?
If we could just try taking the form of supersonic flight, that would be great. Or else one of us is going to have to move. I did that last week. So it's your turn.
Love ya,
Ash
P.S. Wouldn't we look hot in these outfits?
2 cat calls:
Those lines from Aunt Voula kill me every time. I think I may have to go watch some Greek Wedding.
I've been known to watch that scene, rewind and watch it three more times. Love Aunt Voula. Also love her, "What do you mean he don't eat no meat? That's okay. That's okay. I make lamb."
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