The End

Pack up stuff - check under the beds for lost shoes and misplaced books * Retrace steps...back to the BART, back to the airport * Take Dramamine again * Listen to music as appropriate (Counting Crows as a tribute to Berkeley/SF? David Gray for wistfulness?) * Worry over whether to sleep or stay awake to combat jet lag * Experience total place and time confusion over leaving at noon and arriving at nearly nine o'clock * Collect baggage * Find Mom * Head home

Last Day

First thing, tour Alcatraz, knowing full well it's the touristy thing to do but dying to do it anyway * Break out telephoto lens for good bridge shots on the way to the island * Consider hocking up $20 for the bay tour to boot - Eva and Justin said it's worth it. * Must do something happy following Alcatraz - Jenn's caveat for going * Consult list - what do we need to check off? * Ride the cable cars one more time * Take a bazillion more photos * Make Niki and Jenn pose in front of SF landmarks and smile for the 20th time * Fall in love with the city * Decide I don't want to leave * Have something spectacular for dessert

One

One year ago today, I moved.

One year ago today, something horrifying broke inside me and every pain I felt about leaving came rushing out.

One year ago today, I looked out the window on the big tree outside for the last time.

One year ago, I paced across those wide-board wooden floors and locked the door.

One year ago, the echo of my footsteps in the hallway was loud and hollow.

One year ago, I sat in my car at the stoplight at Fourth and Grace.

One year ago, I looked in my rearview at the yellow stucko and the red tin roof and the black curls of wrought iron.

One year ago, I drove away.

One year ago, I said goodbye.

One year ago, I crossed the bridge.

One year ago. And sometimes, I can't help myself from looking back.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Happy Birthday to Jenn! Happy Birthday to Jenn! * Planning brunch with unlimited mimosas * Trip to Golden Gate Park * Possibly tour the deYoung Museum * See HAT! - first time in four years * Consult advice from Lauren, Daisy, and Mendacious on where to go and what to do - and most importantly, where to shop * Let Jenn choose dinner - something delicious and vegetarian, possibly something ethnic * Make it to Chinatown, Mission, Haight * See the painted ladies * Run into Adam Duritz?

The Beginning

Getting on the plane at 9:45 a.m. * Must take Dramamine * Please don't seat me next to a "talker" * Plan on Nick Drake and a semi-conscious state * Eva says I'll need a snack * Landing on the west coast at 12:45 * Taking the BART to the hotel - it's a snap, I'm sure * Overwhelmed with what I want to see first - everything * Must find See's Candies immediately upon arrival * Take a million pictures * Ask the locals where to go dancing - must shake junk in the trunk * Will wear new dress and new top despite any less-than-seasonable weather * See the Golden Gate * Hope it feels Golden

Leaving on a Jet Plane

At long last - or not so long? - I'm headed to San Francisco tomorrow! I am so excited about this trip for a number of reasons:

1) This is one of the first times I'm traveling for fun.
2) I'm going to see two of my dearest friends for more than 30 minutes and not under the circumstances of a funeral.
3) I have never been to San Francisco
4) The success of this trip may give me the little push I need to get my ever-loving passport (for Mendacious, obviously).

I will not be taking the computer. I've decided to go cold turkey on the Internets for the duration of our trip. However, do not despair! For behold, I give you photos of the darling child and the promise of posts magically appearing in my absence. See y'all Tuesday!

Thursday Thoughts

* I have been up before 6 a.m. the past two days, which is completely counter to my nature. It's 9:30, and I gotta tell ya, I'm dying here.

* I saw friends this evening - yes! finally! - and I got hugs. At least...let's see...one, two, three. Three solid hugs. Solid.

* Packing list for San Fran? Sadly short. Must get on it. Leaving Saturday.

* Was in Atlanta yesterday to meeting with One Who is Expecting about a campaign I'll be taking over parts of when she delivers. Big campaign. National exposure. So jazzed.

* Am in love with my new hair. I'm sorry, but there probably won't be pictures until after I come back from Cali.

* Dillon and Eva came to the office today for lunch at The Grit. Dillon told my boss what an elephant says. He also had a very nice conversation with the stand-up of Capt. Kirk in the corner of his office.

* Novel by favorite author set aside just for San Fran trip. Also new issue of Real Simple in the mail today.

* Please enjoy these photos, taken by Eva, that demonstrate just how far I'll go to amuse my nephew. I was blowing bubbles, by the way. And he liked it. Which made this ridiculous pose all worth it.

Solicitation

Dear Institute of Higher Learning in a Coastal Location in the Northernmost Carolina:

I would say that I appreciated your call this evening, but I really didn't. I could tell it was going to be that kind of call. The kind where you've propped up some poor freshman kid in a cube with a phone list, so he can pretend to care how I'm doing and then hit me up for money to support ye olde university because I know how important that money is to kids like him.

But the truth is, I don't know what it's like for kids like him, because if someone like me now gave funds for students like me then, it sure didn't make it down to me. If I recall correctly, you didn't see fit to provide the grad labs with printer paper back in the day. And our classrooms in the language arts buildings? I don't think you've allocated any funds to them since 1970.

And while we're talking about funds, let's get one thing out in the open: you never allocated funds for me. When I was there - when I was a student like him - you didn't have a dime to spare for me. Not one red cent. You didn't really want me there; you robbed me blind because I was out-of-state. And in general, you were sort of careless and didn't take much time to form any sort of bond with me. In other words, I don't really feel the teal.

Let me clarify that I'm not totally dismissing the years we shared. But let's face it - I was a giver and you were a taker. So don't come calling me and asking me for money. Just because I have a good job now, don't think I'm going to be flipping any funds your way - especially not the $150 contribution you were asking for right off the bat.

What if I had just called you up back in the day and asked for a hundred and fifty bucks? Yep. That's right. What goes around comes around.

C U by the Sea,
Resentful in Ga.

Dear Universe:

I don't know if you've noticed, but so far, my 2008 hasn't been that stellar. So one could understand why I am so very excited to be traveling to San Francisco this weekend with two very dear and wonderful friends. And one could also conceive why I am not amused about what just happened to me while talking on the phone to Kim Shable. I would be referring to the sudden appearance of gigantic itchy red welts on my chin and cheek. The ones that - upon closer examination - ran across my forehead and up to my hairline and then trailed down my neck to my chest and back.

I have taken a shower. Scrubbed twice. Downed two antihistamines and slathered myself in a Benadryl cream. And you know what? Now my lip is swelling.

I'm sure that if I dug down deep, I could find some dark humor in this. Some irony. Some glib line about Murphy's Law. But let me tell you something, Universe. I am tired. I am not interested in digging deep and ferreting out a comfortless cliche. I am going to San Francisco. And I will not stand for looking like a freak. And if I have to walk around with a giant epi pin sticking out of my leg, so be it. But, really, it would be easier if you would simply concede and return my face and body back to normal, reduce the size of my lower lip and not approach constricting my airways.

Thank you so much. You're charming. Really.

xoxo,
Spotty Ash

Cutting Loose

This weekend held two anomalies: one, I cut my hair, and two, I went to the bar - twice.

The first had to do with nearing a year away from Wilmywood (next Monday) and feeling like my long hair was strangely tied to the hardships of the last twelve months: Booker dying, the panic attacks, the second thoughts, the loneliness, Ronnie's death. About two weeks ago, I decided it was time to cut it. Time to let those inches go - and let the things associated with my longer locks go as well. So yesterday, I went to Corey and told him to cut it - really cut it - and that I trusted him to do what he thought best. The result: a fabulous, fabulous new style. And a slightly refreshed outlook on life. It's amazing what exposing your neck will do for you. Photos soon...

The second - bar trips two nights in a row - had to do with Justin being in town for his MBA class reunion. He and Eva told me I'd spent too many Friday nights watching "What Not to Wear" and that it was time to find something to wear and hit the town. So I did. I spent Friday and Saturday evening in the international company of Justin's friends from grad school: a Portuguese, a German, two Indians, an Israeli, and a couple of Americans for good measure.

And last night, standing in the bar between the German and the Portuguese and trying to explain the phrase "junk in the trunk" while bouncing a little to the bar music, sipping a Cosmo and rocking my new haircut, a night out turned into a step forward - a refreshed look, physically and mentally. A few moments that seemed normal in a hopelessly abnormal time in life. A sense of confidence about where I am and where I'm going, when it was easy to laugh and easy to walk down the street on the way back to the car, and feel that good in my own skin.

Confession: I Am In Love, Part 2

Today, I am in love with Adam Duritz. That is all.

Hump Day Listmania

* I discovered today that our dear intern is an avid S&TC fan and she is willing to include me in her viewing party for the big screen debut if I can't see it with one of my long-time S&TC gals.

* I am working on a skit. Yes, a skit.

* Today was my boss' birthday, so we took his freshman year high school yearbook picture, blew it up to 11 x 17 and created a Warhol wall in the colors of the Mountain Dew label - his drink o' choice - on the outside of the cubes.

* I'm reading a book I don't particularly like but feel compelled to finish anyway.

* One of my clients was reported on by the university's student-run television news program. It wasn't a particularly favorable story, but the dramatic hard-nosed journalism attempt by these fluffy girls is hi-larious.

* Still eating Skittles.

* The Dillman cometh this weekend.

* Is Ashlee Simpson pregnant? Do I care? (Okay...maybe a little...idle curiosity...)

West Coast, Y'all

I am going on vacation. Ten days and counting. I cannot remember the last time I went on a vacation - possibly the family Disney trip of '05 that was a valuable learning experience (i.e. the Disney Magical Express is neither magical nor express, discuss amongst yourselves).

But this time around, Niki, Jenn and I are heading to San Francisco from three different cities for a long girls' weekend. We already have a couple of things on our to do list, but for those of you San Fran experts (or natives!), please weigh in on those things we absolutely must see, do, eat or experience. We enjoy all thing edible, libations, art, dancing, green things, and abandoned prison fortresses. Please cast your vote now.

This is a List

"This is a list of the things I should've been but I'm not. This is a list of the things I should've seen but I'm not seeing...So won't you please look at me?" --Adam Duritz, "Cowboys"

Should've Been
* More forgiving

* Willing to say the words that were on the tip of my tongue when I wondered if I should say them

* Able to cross a room, smile charmingly at a perfect stranger

* An author

* Comfortable with the unknown

* British

Should've Seen
* Hyde Park

* Last full moon

* Threads coming together, woven from the past forward to the present

* How different love is for different people

* David Gray live in concert

* Me for me

Confession: I Am In Love

I have discovered Romance Novel Heaven. Seriously. I stumbled upon this little bookstore that's been around for quite some time in my little hometown. It's lodged between a drycleaners and some other nondescript business. You'd never really take notice of it smack dab in the middle of a brick front strip center adjacent to the neighborhood that cropped up when I was in high school and was where we thought the nouveau riche were taking up residence.

But on the inside...I was blown away. Any bookstore in which the shelves are not only alpha, but alpha in sections with labels like "Paranormal Romance," "Mystery Romance," and the length of one shelf entirely devoted to the various Harlequin series in numerical serial order is my kind of place. I confess, like Augustus Gloop set loose in Willy Wonka's factory, I could've stayed in there all day browsing the titles under "Historical Romance" and the shelves whose labels noted space dedicated to some of my most guiltily favorite authors.

And it gets even better - it's a used bookstore. So, almost like a library, I can read, return and revolve. It's a never-ending supply of smutty romance novels being browsed simultaneously by other slightly smug looking women who are piling one Bachelor Chronicle on top of the other.

Just like most of the roguish heroes in these novels, this discovery is so bad, yet so good.

Belly Up to the Bar

Despite my abysmal showing on Swing State, I have been invited to the bar - the Smartini Bar, that is. Spearheaded by Megan (Head Smartini Wench), we've opened a new establishment in the blogosphere for those of you with a taste for sass. Bringing you thoughts on all manner of things, we'll also be serving up some weekly specials that will give you (sometimes bizarre) insight into the minds of your Smartenders. Please stop by - the drinks are on us.

You Don't Even Have to Give Me a Penny

* Another 4:45 wake up call tomorrow

* Kudzu, and how he seems to know right now that I need him, so he's hanging out with me on the couch

* That John Mayer's latest blog entry further convinces me that we would be really good friends

* Feeling really good about going paperless on my Chase credit card statements because they gave $5 to the World Wildlife Fund because I made the switch

* What's going to happen with Miranda and that devilish rake Jack in the book I'm reading

* My six-month review at work which was unbelievably good...maybe I can do my job

* Friends...far away and across the table tonight. It's good to have 'em.

* The Olympics protesting...I can't quite decide what I think is the best course of action. Read the article unearthed by HAT for an interesting perspective

* Whether to wear pantyhose or go bare-legged to the meeting with the law firm tomorrow. My legs look dreadful.

* Haircut plans. It is time. I am scheming.

Les Fleurs du Printemps

Tidy Blog

So, for whatever reason, it's really been annoying me that the Post-Potter Blog was just kind of hanging out there. Abandoned. Sad. It annoyed me to see it on my dashboard. And in the sidebar. So in an effort to keep things neat and tidy (and keep the OCD in check) I have added Post-Potter to the annals of Kudzu Jungle. You can find it (if you're so inclined) by searching the tag "Post-Potter Blog."

And the photo blog? That I was supposed to finish in December? Yeah, well, it went the way of the dodo, too. Let's face it. You're forced to look at my photos enough here - why would you go elsewhere.

But please don't forget Swing State. Yes, I've been remiss in posting, but Kim's friend Matt has been soldiering on, so there's still political wonderfulness to be had.

Thank You,
Housekeeping

Things on My Mind Other Than That

* Am three days behind putting my time in at work.

* Volunteered to help with a non-profit fundraising event, and I am doing waaaay more than I planned. Daily I'm getting e-mails asking, "Can you handle this too?"

* A Client has asked to meet with my boss. Instead of me. Behind my back. Am now getting an ulcer because I know this is The Client Who Does Not Love Me So Much. (Am I fired?)

* Performance review: next Wednesday

* Having to pack for another weekend at Anna's. Subsequent guilt about complaining about having to pack.

* Another client in total crisis. Have been at work early, late and during lunch this week. Contributing to ulceration.

* My Skittles addiction is back.

* Have to get up at 4:45 tomorrow morning in order to drive to Atlanta, beat the traffic and be at the office in time for a v. important meeting. (see "Client in total crisis")

* The CD player in here keeps hanging up and spinning and spinning in silence and then abruptly restarting and startling the crap out of me.

* Alarming statistics on the volume left in Georgia's landfills - about twenty years, fyi.

* Man having baby.

* No blog til Sunday.

Threesdays: Music News that Makes Me Tingle

Coldplay - Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends - the announced title of the new album due out this year

Keane - At work on their as-yet unnamed album due out September 2008. The band is posting pictures from the studio as their site's landing page. (Today's is very cool...)

Ray LaMontagne - Site says "Details about the new record coming soon."

Yeeeee!

I Have Seen You Lately

When I heard the news that the Counting Crows were dropping a new album this spring, I was hesitantly hopeful that I would find some classic Crows melodies on the new disc. With all that's been going on, I'd almost forgotten it. Then I heard Adam Duritz talking about the new album on VH1 one morning while I was getting ready for work. I dashed into the other room to see the new video for "You Can't Count on Me." And Duritz looked good - no longer sporting the bizarre long dreads in a topknot and having slimmed down from an alarmingly bloated version of himself. Then I read several interviews about the new album in which Duritz talked about his spiral into despair as he struggled with mental illness, finally getting diagnosed with dissociative disorder. Being that I so recently went through a bout with my own mental health, I decided that for old time's sake and to support the newly-recovered Duritz, I'd pick up the new album.

I'm delighted to report that the boys are back. Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings is their most cohesive, most well-concepted and richest album since This Desert Life - possibly even since their sophomore smash, Recovering the Satellites. Recorded in two different sessions, the first half, dubbed Saturday Nights, was recorded in New York and is filled with lyrics of gritty dissolution and sharp-edged sound. Sunday Mornings, the disc's latter half, was recorded in Berkley and explores the restorative nature of piecing life back together.

Throughout the album, the songs are like wonderful, poignant echoes of the Crows' previous work. In the lyrics and sometimes the melodies, threads of former themes slide through the new songs. It feels like they were very intentional about brining back their own work in thoughtful ways. "Insignificant" sounds like a sister song to "Have You Seen Me Lately?" - one of my all time favorite Crows' songs. The opening lines "Can you see me/up on the building/from down on the pavement/or out in the crowd?" hearken back to that idea of invisibility in a crowd. "Cowboys" has an intro reminiscent of "Rain King" and "When I Dream of Michaelangelo" clearly connects to "Angels of the Silences" with an acoustic call-back. Something about "Washington Square" is reminiscent of "Omaha" - maybe in its wandering lyrics.

And "On a Tuesday in Amsterdam Long Ago" is close to edging out "Colorblind" as the prettiest song the Crows have ever recorded. "Hanging Tree" is a really great song, too, with a 70s rock drive and great harmonies. "Come Around" appropriately closes the disc on a high note, apropos of "St. Robinson and His Cadillac Dream".

The disc is balanced between ballad and rock anthems, blending the alt-country and guitar-driven rock that marked August & Everything After and Recovering the Satellites. Duritz shows more control of his voice, keeping his trademark plaintive wailing (which I happen to love) to a few well-placed whines. And Charlie's piano and Dan's guitars sound better than ever. It feels like Counting Crows at their best - their voices mixing beautiful, their playing ripe with energy. And it's just complex and layered and yet effortless. The album feels good.

I'm a big fan - and somehow, this album makes me feel weirdly hopeful, like in recovering the Counting Crows, I'm recovering a little piece of myself.

Saturday Nights &...
1. 1492
2. Hanging Tree
3. Los Angeles
4. Sundays
5. Insignificant
6. Cowboys

Sunday Mornings
7. Washington Square
8. On Almost Any Sunday Morning
9. When I Dream of Michaelangelo
10. Anyone But You
11. You Can't Count on Me
12. Le Ballet d'Or
13. On a Tuesday in Amsterdam Long Ago
14. Come Around