Solicitation

Dear Institute of Higher Learning in a Coastal Location in the Northernmost Carolina:

I would say that I appreciated your call this evening, but I really didn't. I could tell it was going to be that kind of call. The kind where you've propped up some poor freshman kid in a cube with a phone list, so he can pretend to care how I'm doing and then hit me up for money to support ye olde university because I know how important that money is to kids like him.

But the truth is, I don't know what it's like for kids like him, because if someone like me now gave funds for students like me then, it sure didn't make it down to me. If I recall correctly, you didn't see fit to provide the grad labs with printer paper back in the day. And our classrooms in the language arts buildings? I don't think you've allocated any funds to them since 1970.

And while we're talking about funds, let's get one thing out in the open: you never allocated funds for me. When I was there - when I was a student like him - you didn't have a dime to spare for me. Not one red cent. You didn't really want me there; you robbed me blind because I was out-of-state. And in general, you were sort of careless and didn't take much time to form any sort of bond with me. In other words, I don't really feel the teal.

Let me clarify that I'm not totally dismissing the years we shared. But let's face it - I was a giver and you were a taker. So don't come calling me and asking me for money. Just because I have a good job now, don't think I'm going to be flipping any funds your way - especially not the $150 contribution you were asking for right off the bat.

What if I had just called you up back in the day and asked for a hundred and fifty bucks? Yep. That's right. What goes around comes around.

C U by the Sea,
Resentful in Ga.