Thoughts pell-mell like so many colored kites jagging in storm winds...tugging to get free of their lines, giving slack and then straining, but all the time held tight by a single unyielding thread. Colored blurs flapping, the sound of a playing card on bicycle spokes. A loose thread unraveling, the reel coming free.
Lines tangle. Kites crash.
One singular sensation
It starts with...
...thrumming blood, right ear, so hard I press my finger in to make sure the drum won't burst
...sharp tightness, central chest, pinching beneath the bow of my sternum
...dull nausea, stomach pit, slick and threatening...
Pleasemakeitgoaway
Fight the pricking tears. Fight the gag reflex. Fight the breath coming so fast that is never enough. Fight the claustrophobia of mind.
AndIdon'tknowwhy
Wracking shivers but I am not cold. Or maybe I am. I am numb and feeling everything amplified - a sense of irrational imploding. Attempting sleep, but in the darkness, all I can think is
Pleasemakeitgoaway
If I fall asleep, it is to wrestle like David with an Angel, restless and overpowered. And when I wake, it is to purge.
Justtomakeitgoaway
AndIdon'tknowwhy
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Don't Panic
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5 cat calls:
beautifully told panic attack. if this is you right now please feel better and keep writing it all out.
This is great writing capturing, but it's very painful - what's going on?! Are things unraveling on you? Don't panic! Talk it out with us. . .we're here!
Most unfortunately, it is me. Thanks to Pen who suggested I puzzle it out in blogland.
Yes, keep writing it all out--is it helping? We're listening. It really is beautifully written, could be its own poem. Kind of made me panicky to read it...
Aw... man. Will second the "we're here for you."
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