I am not a frequent flyer, by any stretch of the imagination. I didn't even fly until I was 24 years old. But I've flown a fair bit since then - enough to know the drill. And considering that I was pretty anomalous in this day and age for having flown so seldom, I'm surprised at the number of people who have probably flown a great deal more than I have who act like they don't know the drill.
Please, sir, don't try to use your cell phone while we are taxiing toward the runway. The flight attendant can see you, and her name is Joan and she looks like Elvira, and she means business. It is not an approved electronic device for in-flight use - use of a cell phone is strictly prohibited once the exterior cabin door is closed. And I know you're probably very busy and important and you're trying to get in one more very important call, but just don't. Aside from the fact that you're holding us all up, I'm afraid to see what Joan will do to you.
And I know that the upright position isn't like your Lazy Boy recliner, but please, just click it forward. We can see that your head is resting in the lap of the passenger behind you. Sit up straight and get ready to go. And your tray table? Don't use it to prop your latest issue of Country Living on. It must be in the stowed and locked position. Open your shade, too. I know you're ready for your long winter's nap, but the shades must be open during take-off and landing. Oh, and your giant oversized carry-on bag that you refuse to stow in the overhead bin? It must be completely under the seat in front of you - seriously. Joan will get out her ruler to check it.
I know the flight attendants don't always speak clearly over the intercom - and some times they say their spiel so fast you wonder what if I actually need to know that? But get with the program, people. Flight delays are bad enough without having to endure them because you can't wait to take that call until we land. And, p.s., in the unlikely event that we have a water landing, I'm not going to instruct you on how to use your cushion as a flotation device. I'm just going to let you drown.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
In Plane English
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4 cat calls:
ha. yes!
I didn't know the shades had to be up for take off and landing. . hmm.
Why do people insist on acting like they are above everything? It's so annoying.
and i have to say, the seat thing has ALWAYS annoyed me. unless the flight is so long that sleeping is a given, i feel that the absolute max for reclining should be two notches. and that's pushing it. i already feel claustrophobic enough in a plane without the person in front of me literally invading my personal space.
Tip frequent air travelers: when the person in front of you puts their seat all the way back, thus practically laying their head in your lap, just turn your air vent on high and turn it to hit them right in the face.
(I am Queen of Passive-Agressive Land.)
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