Some of you have been inquiring about the status of The Professor, considering my mention of a less-than-stellar date with Mississippi and his absence from the tags on posts about the Coldplay concert. The former can be attributed to my determination to keep my options open - I just got back in the saddle, so it seems awfully soon to be narrowing down the field of play. The second can be attributed to my need to keep Coldplay untainted by my flailing dating life.
It wasn't so easy in actuality to separate "The Scientist" and The Professor, since our journey to, enjoyment of, and return from the concert put us together for a solid eight-hour stint. We managed to avoid the heavy stuff until the return trip...but there was no denying it was time for a talk - for each of us to lay out our case for Defining the Status.
He kicked it off by lamenting my distant demeanor and his inability to crack through my shell.
I countered with the well-known fact that three out of the past five weekends, he's spent with his ex-girlfriend (if you count the weekends bookending the entire week she visited). And on that latest jaunt into the past relationship, he attended a Halloween party dressed as an angel - to counter her devil costume. Score one point for me.
But he persisted and explained (as best he could) the tangled and undefined nature of the broken-up-but-friends-not-dating-but-special-relationship situation. If you can deconstruct that one for me, I'll give you a dollar.
And then I explained that this crazy web he's weaving doesn't make me want to let my guard down. Score another point for me.
Then we moved into the P-phase of the discussion in which he used the word "priorities" a lot. I mean. A. Lot. As in, he would really like to be a higher one of mine. (Please, see counter argument numero uno in which I cite his involvement with The Ex.) We went tit for tat for a bit, with him shooting out needs like Han Solo's blaster gun and me deflecting them at every turn with my light sabre.
By that time, we had circled one another quite exhaustingly in a verbal endgame, and we were rolling into the driveway. This provoked a round of conversation in which there existed in his tone a subtle note of disdain for my current living situation that was tempered with (excessive) praise for the closeness of my family and punctuated with The Declaration of Independence: "I just want to make sure you know that I'm dating you and not your family."
In that moment, at 1:30 a.m., hoarse and overwrought from three hours of screaming and the hour of verbal sparring, I felt approximately one quart of acid dump into my stomach, a gallon of ice water pour through my veins, and experienced instantaneous paralysis.
At which, The Professor knew he'd stepped in It. He tried to retract, backtrack, strike the previous statement from the record. Especially after I said, "My family...is non-negotiable."
In the end, it was time to get out of the car, weary, bewildered and bleary-eyed...to bid him adieu on good terms for having bought such amazing seats, and to take his arguments to the jury room with me.
So far, the jury seems to be voting in my favor, pondering holding The Professor in contempt of court, and finding him guilty of being unsuitable for long-term dating. If said verdict is returned...what will the punishment be? Life...in the Friend Zone.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Me, The Professor and The Come to Jesus
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 cat calls:
I'm sorry, Ash. Boys are dumb. Plain and simple. But if he can't realize that hanging out with the ex is not conducive to a new relationship with someone else, and if he cannot understand that your and your family are a beautifully-wrapped packaged deal, then he's not worth it. Stay friends if you must, but don't dwell on him. You deserve to be treated so, so much better.
I just love the way you tell a story. Sorry it has to be a downer, but it's so entertaining to read, nonetheless.
I concur; I'm sad that he can't seem to understand detriment of The Ex factor, but, regardless of that faux paux if he doesn't support your relationship with your family, it's not going to work out, so definitely move on! But, at the same time. . there is a certain amount of give and take and if you are looking for a serious relationship, you'll need to have a least a little part of yourself that's exclusively for your partner, right? That's not an unreasonable request. I'm just not sure that's what he was saying. . .
D'oh. Bad move, Professor. I agree with andria on the give and take thing, it's always important to keep in mind... but your fam clearly is non-negotiable. To dismiss that is to dismiss an essential part of Ash.
And this business with the ex! Penelope does not approve.
I think the give-and-take is in me. But...responding to a Demand for My Attention? In fact, that's it. It's like, I'll give you that place when I'm good and ready, but you can't ask for it, much less shame me into giving it to you.
I agree with the above. The ex-thing is way out of line. I'd argue that he is not proving himself to be emotionally available if he is still entangled with the ex -- I mean, they may not have a physical relationship anymore, but it certainly sounds like they are bonded emotionally.
How ironic, then, that he would ask for more emotional empathy/consideration/attention from YOU -- and then insinuate that you are offering more of the above to your family than to him.
You could go back to him and with exactly the same demands: that he needs to show you that you are a priority in his life (especially a priority over the ex), and then you will be ready to do the same. But until he steps up, he can't demand that you give him what he is not yet offering you. Hope this helps!! Best of luck. xo
He's still spending time with his ex? Lose him!
Also, what's wrong with you living with your family? Does it smell there? Are there rats and a drippy ceiling?
Agree with all of the above, and the irony to which Andrea Q. alludes - it is quite odd that he wants you to make him a priority when he just spent three of the past five weekends with the ex. I mean, I GET that they're still close, but if he wants to get closer to you, he's gonna have to practice what he's preaching.
the ex thing is definitely where the line gets drawn. any other discussion is completely irrelevant to the case. he's straddling the fence. special friendship my ass.
and dude, family or nothing. i don't want a guy who can't sidestep my father in a conversation and charm my mother. end of discussion. bcs when it comes down to it, and youre together, you don't want to have to strong arm him into a family event. period. i can just imagine a lifetime of infuriating multiple scenarios. boooooo!
Sigh. This man is either kind of an ass or completely clueless. Either way, he loses major points. Any feelings of acid-in-the-stomach and paralysis are definitely a bad sign, especially this early in the game. If it's this complicated and messy in the beginning, imagine how it might be down the road. I want to try and pull for this guy, because I know he has many good qualities, but he is making it excruciatingly difficult.
I'm with you, Jenn. I kind of kept wanting to root for him, too! ugh!
I think I kind of kept wanting to root for him, too...and yet, the complication of it all, the irritation and frustration and can't-we-just-figure-this-out-already has me exhausted before we've even gotten to know each other that well.
My two cents:
Exhibit A: He's a Man.
Unless The Prof has spent loads of time playing the ladies (which I'm guessing he hasn't, given that he's a prof at such a young age), he doesn't know what kind of message he's sending with this Ex business. And he likely won't get it until you painfully explain it all out for him. He's a smart man, I bet he catches on fast. I say don't relegate him to The Friend Zone yet!
Now, this Ex Girlfriend? She knows EXACTLY what she's doing. Somebody needs to slap her for the amount of disrespect that she is showing the both of you. What a bitch. (Can I say that here?)
I've been the Prof, the Ex, and You in this situation, and the bottom line is they ain't over. They may be "over," but they're not "over." Somebody(s?) is too scared to jump ship just yet, either just for fear or just for love or just for a hundred other reasons.
These things take time, and sometimes it's a kick in the butt that provides just the motivation to Move On. Sometimes a kick in the butt makes you realize you can't move on just yet.
Glad you're keeping your options open, and it's smart to keep your guard up until the Ex situation is settled.
I don't even know where to begin with the family comment. Ass. Here's hoping he at least apologizes/d (because I, too, wanted to root for him, before this Ex nonsense).
Keep us posted!
Post a Comment