Gratitude: Part III - Oneness

Right now is marking the longest I've been single since I was 19. Somewhere along the way, after my first "serious" boyfriend in college, I became a serial dater. I flowed from one relationship to the next without taking a pause to breathe. A decade of continuous relationshipping - ten years in which I grew and changed but didn't have a lot of time to myself.

I know I complain about it. I worry over it. I self-deprecate endlessly about it. My oneness. And while it's true that I have to live with it, that I have to find out that, yes, one is the loneliest number, it's taught me a lot about myself. I mean, when it's just me, myself and I, the pickings are slim.

I often lament the depth with which I feel things when it's sadness or pain. But it's that depth that gives me something to balance against when the good comes along. Like a see-saw, what goes down must come up. So I'm learning to think of this all relatively...that the oneness and all its trimmings - the loneliness, the awkwardness, the grumpiness, the sadness - give me such a strong perspective on being single that when I finally find a match (assuming there's one out there?) it'll be something spectacular. Or so I tell myself.

But for now, I'm thankful for my oneness. That in myself, I've finally found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.