I find myself lacking in substance right now. I feel compelled to write, to post thoughts, but I'm not clear on the thoughts. They are ephemeral and indistinct. Life seems to both be moving in slow motion and warp speed.
The holidays are coming...a lumbering freighter, moving lethargically toward me. It is impossible not to see it; but its girth, its potential impact, is impossible to comprehend and so I watch it inching ever closer with all its threatening weight and isolate myself from it. Even as I see the waters shift and rise, I hold my breath, and dismiss the fractional disturbance.
On the other hand, the life that goes on, that moves ever faster away from death, is a speeding train with only flashes of countryside visible out its small square windows. The colors and shapes are blinding; on the inside, faces crowd around me, no more than blurs. And this, unlike the freighter, I'm trying to absorb. I'm trying to find a place in my mind for these faces, for the names that go with them. I'm trying to make room in my mind for this part of life. But it's all moving so fast and I can't hold on. I can't focus and so I'm floating in that sea of undecipherable features. I want so much for these passengers on the train to stay, to have meaning.
And the train speeds on, and the ship pitches toward me. And I am but a wisp of smoke caught between the two.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Modes of Transportation
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2 cat calls:
You and m are the masters of the "I feel" metaphor.
I hope that you're able to find the mental space that you need to sit back and enjoy the ride a little.
Naturally, you said it much better than I ever could have, but trust me when I say that I know how you feel. I've felt like this a lot the last few days, likely for many of the same reasons as you. Sigh.
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