Johnny Castle, in the Corner of My Mind

July 3, 1988

Dear Diary,
July is a good month. I think Patrick Swayze is cute. I love the movie Dirty Dancing. Jennifer Gray is good for the part. I want to be in a movie with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray. I want there to be a Dirty Dancing II. Adios.

Love,
Ashley

***

July 4, 1988

Dear Diary,
Today is July 4th! We had a big meal and firecrackers. I have a dream of being in a movie with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray. I still have flash backs of the movie. It's 11:15. Gotta go!

Love,
Ashley

P.S. My birthday is in 2 days!

The Girl Who Lived

"You can't help but wish that maybe you aren't really all Muggle -- non-magic folk -- but have some bit of wizard blood in your veins that would allow you the chance to visit Hogwarts....and so I've had my nose pressed into the pages of the first four books--rather lengthy, they all are. I've been obsessed with Harry, because in Harry's world, there is no graduate school. A fire-breathing dragon or a life-ending curse, but nothing as bad as moving to the next state."
-- Journal dated August 8, 2001, three weeks before relocating to N.C.

I've just finished rereading Goblet of Fire for the I-don't-know-how-many-times, and I can't help but think of the first time I read Harry Potter. It was six years ago to the summer that Niki convinced me that I had to read Socerer's Stone. I remember reading that first chapter with Dumbledore and the Put-Outer and the flying motorcycle and thinking, "What is this?" I don't recall exactly the point at which I got hooked, but once I was hooked, I was all the way hooked.

It was a tough summer. I'd just graduated from college, and on my graduation day, I had no plans. No job. No apartment. I was waiting to hear from UNC Wilmywood to see if a spot had come open in its MFA program. And on top of that, I decided not to get a job that summer, owing to the fact that Mom needed my help since Anna and Justin decided to get married less than 30 days apart. Did I mention that my boyfriend at the time was in D.C. doing an internship?

Everything was changing, my whole world upended and the future totally uncertain. I was lonely and worried. And I was suffering the fate of the youngest child, which is that everyone else goes on to the next stage of life without you. I suddenly felt like the classic which-one-of-these-doesn't-belong?

But in the midst of it all, I found Harry Potter, who was suffering a bit himself in a world so far removed from my own that I could almost forget what was going on here. I was insatiable; I carried the books with me everywhere. Car trips, waiting rooms, dress fittings, hotel rooms. At 2 in the morning, I sat in the recliner in the den deep into the graveyard scene in Goblet of Fire, and was more than a little spooked by the dark yard outside the sliding glass door. Upon finishing, it took me a bit to calm down enough to brave walking past the big glass door and go to bed. I may have finished the book, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. But it was okay that the next book wasn't around yet - it was time for me to go to North Carolina.

It was two years after that when Order of the Phoenix hit the stands, and I made myself nearly sick and hysterical reading that giant tome for such a stretch. And the death in that one hit me particularly hard, and I was inconsolable for days. Two years after that came Half-Blood Prince, whose release caused an absolute temper-tantrum when it wasn't delivered as expected. But that was nothing compared to the quivering mass I was after the outcome of the book.

And now it's coming down to the wire. Less than 25 days before all will be revealed in Deathly Hallows, Potter's last stop. I'm on schedule to plow through OOTP and HBP before the big day gets here. Today, I read an article with a massive spoiler, a possibility that I hadn't considered, and it was the first time during all my conjecturing that it really hit me that, whatever the outcome, this is it. Whatever's on those final pages, whether it's Harry's death or happily-ever-after or a mysterious sentence ending in "scar," it's the end of the story and we'll all have to live with whatever ending Rowling penned.

I can't help but recognize that there are eerie parallels between reading those first pages of Sorcer's Stone and now anticipating Deathly Hallows: the waiting, the need to escape reality, this strange station between one chapter of life and the next (a Platform 9 3/4 time in life, if you will). There are similar trappings - temporarily living at home, my stuff scattered everywhere, and me not really belonging anywhere. And more than once in the last couple of weeks, I've thrown up my hands at the job search and buried myself in Potterdom just like I did way back when, only then I was trying to avoid registering for classes and folding wedding programs.

Me and Harry have been through a lot together. (Like the development of my slightly unhealthy obsession. ) The intervening years have been as much an adventure for me as him. And whether or not he lives or dies, his adventure is coming to an end. But me? I'll get to be the girl who lived. For me, there will be another chapter.

RuMANations

A girlie-girl prone to crushes since, oh, I don't know, birth, I've always had some celebrity that I secretly pined for - or not so secretly wrote on every notebook I carried. According to the same journal that charted my musical tastes, I've had crushes on the following celebrities:

Dean Cain (of Lois & Clark fame) * Chipper Jones (of the Atlanta Braves) * Adam Duritz (of Counting Crows) * Harrison Ford * Colin Firth * Michael Schoeffling (from Sixteen Candles, although my crush had more to do with the little-known Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken) * Hugh Jackman * Joshua Jackson * John Mayer...and I'm sure there were many, many more whose names I was smart enough to not catalog for future embarrassment.

But far more embarrassing than any of my past crushes is that, I must confess, I still get celebrity crushes. And they seem to come in threes. My current list of crushes includes:

*James Purefoy - British and delicious. If you missed HBO's Rome, you missed his incredibly witty and sexy portrayal of Mark Antony, you missed out. He's just rugged. And wicked. Great voice, too. A guy's never looked so hot shoving a sword into his gullet.

*Christian Bale - I know he was popular among my friends (a.k.a. NIKI!) when he was in Swing Kids. I thought he was cute then, but now? He's smoldering. He's got that mysterious quality. Best Bruce Wayne ever (and with the worst script of all of them).

*Mr. Armani - I tried to find out this guy's name, and the best I can do is find one site that names him Andrew Cooper. But I don't think that's right. So we'll just call him Mr. Armani. He's spearheading the spring campaign for the label, and well, let's just say I'm glad we get GQ in the office so that I could tear the ads out and pin them to my billboard. Plus the latest issue has Christian Bale on the cover - bonus!

Once a crusher, always a crusher.

Music Evolution

I've kept a journal since I was about six. No really. Six. I started in a little pink journal with My Melody on the front. Around age 9, I decided I needed a new journal with a lock (to deter snooping brothers), and so for my birthday, I received a purple ice-cream cone adorned locked diary. It never quite had the right feel to me, and I never journaled in it consistently. Instead, I kept a catalogue of lists that I updated with some irregularity over the years - favorite colors and who my friends were and what my favorite songs were.

I came across the journal one of these last times I was at home, and I couldn't help getting a chuckle over the development of my music taste over the years. And so, for your amusement, I give you the following favorites songs and bands of yours truly:

*July 1989, Age 10 - New Kids on the Block, Richard Marx and Paula Abdul

*February 1992, Age 12 - While I am pleased to report that I scrawled "I Hate NKOTB" in the margin, I also listed my favorite song as "That's What Love is For" by Amy Grant

*December 1995, Age 15 - "No Rain" by Blind Melon and "Ice Cream" by Sarah McLachlan. An improvement in musical taste, but my favorite TV show was "Lois & Clark."

*June 1996, Age 16 - "Time and Time Again" by Counting Crows. Here I wrote "Pie in the Hood" in the margin. I have no idea what this means.

*February 1997, Age 17 - "Elsewhere" by Sarah McLachlan and "Lovefool" by The Cardigans

*August 1997, Age 18 - Les Mis. Everything Les Mis. Enter the freakish obsession with musical theatre.

*January 1998, Age 18 - "Brick" by Ben Folds Five

*May 1998, Age 18 - "Wish" by Pearl Jam. I had just bought tickets for Lilith Fair.

*March 1999, Age 19 - "Northern Lad" by Tori Amos and "You've Got the Music in You" by New Radicals. It had one hit wonder written all over it.

*May 2000, Age 20 - "Dancing Virginia" by Jump, Little Children and "Anybody Home" by Our Lady Peace

*June 2001, Age 21 - "Space Between" by Dave Matthews Band and "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John. Ironically, this was before grad school, and I have no recollection of why I might have noted that song...musical clairvoyance perhaps?

At least this list shows improvement. But I confess that I thought of it because my brother and I were talking at The Grill about the first tapes we remember getting as kids. His? The Ghostbusters Soundtrack and Tracy Chapman's Fast Car. Mine? Lionel Richie's Dancing on the Ceiling. There was nowhere to go from there but up - no pun intended.