The Professor: A List

* Has broken his nose ELEVEN times wrestling and playing football. I have only broken my nose once, and it was without a doubt the worst pain I've ever experienced.

* Also thinks that Heart of Darkness is a putrid waste of paper - just slightly ahead of The Good Earth.

* Nearly vibrates with hyper energy - like, his general frequency sometimes makes me tired.

* Has a pet peeve about people who have names that are nicknames - like Jack. He says no one should be named Jack because they should be named John and called Jack. Jack is probably my favorite boy's name.

* Told me about reading a book about cats in a store downtown and finding it really interesting. But not interesting enough to get a cat. We all know how I feel about my cat.

* Thinks that my laugh is charming - which is good because I laugh a) a lot b) loudly and c) rather forcefully.

* Totally adopted my fries-with-feta habit at The Grill.

* Am wondering if he should get his own blog label?

* Had a stuttering problem as a child and endured a lot of speech therapy. I've never heard crisper "t's."

* Called me a "pretty gal" tonight - as in, "I like to be able to buy a pretty gal dinner." To which I responded, "Did you really just say that?"

* Is a connoisseur of beer. My favorite bar downtown is a beer garden, and I feel hopelessly inept ordering after him.

* Somehow ended up in a conversation with me about bra sizes tonight? How does this happen to me?

* Owns a pretty impressive house with grown-up furniture in it. Like matching grown-up furniture.

* Has not read Harry Potter. I know, I know. He's getting a pass for a few months, but he better get on it.

* Is very patient about my disdain for academia.

* Knows I won't go out with him on Tuesdays because of House and Fringe.

* Really wants to take me out for Indian food which has me envisioning myself as Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly.

* Thinks I am infinitely wise about pop culture and music. He was so proud watching SNL a couple of weeks ago and recognizing The Killers.

* Sat with me on a bench tonight and let me tell him why I'm obsessed with Twilight...and that I'm not good at arguing, prefer the path of least resistance and that I might have to call my parents and tell them I'd be later than I thought. And he thought all of that was okay.

Where Ya Been?

* Driving around town with a combination of saran wrap, masking tap and garbage bags covering my window

* Coordinating, with careful precision and much switch-a-roo of vehicles, the replacement of the window

* Taking pictures

* Worrying through Dillon's trip to the emergency room after a fall

* Being introduced by Anna to free, highly addictive, mindless online games

* Helping Mom take care of the Ranger cat's teeth

* Trying not to read/see/overhear Sex & the City spoilers

* Having two suspicious moles removed from my back and getting a 76th diagnosis on the persistent itchy rash

* Pondering the reality that Usher's new song (which features Young Jeezy) is really called "Love in This Club" and the lyrics do actually say, "I want to make love in this club" and "I'll be like your medicine, you'll take every dose of me." Plus there's the invitation to do it in the club bathroom. Romantical. I thought it was spoof the first time I heard it.

* Drinking beer with management Friday afternoon at 3 during BITF (Beer in the Fridge)

* "Graduating" from leadership class - a bit sad, actually

* Talking to STGD about seeing him this weekend at the lake

* Babysitting the Dilly Monster

* Keeping Anna company after a particularly trying week

* Forgetting to email people

* Getting stuck reading a book I can't seem to finish

* Eating Italian Cream Cake

* Making to-do lists

* Waiting for the Dems to pick a candidate already

* Not blogging. Oops.

Prom Night

I didn't go to my senior prom. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, but no one asked me. Don't feel too sorry for me though - Anna took pity on me and took me and Niki and Heather to Six Flags instead. All the same, I must admit that I was rather excited when I heard the work retreat would include an 80s prom. I mean...the opportunity to recapture a missing piece of my youth plus the greatness of the 80s? And it did not disappoint.

And so I do not disappoint you, dear readers, I give you this photo of me in action. The PROOF stamp obscures some of the greatness of my outfit from your view, but I believe you get the idea. I would like you to know the following: my mother made this dress; Anna wore it to her senior prom; no items were purchased; these are Anna's earrings and mine and Anna's jewelry salvaged from around the house; I am wearing a banana clip and false eyelashes; there is a bow WITH a rosette on my dress; the shoulder pads extended roughly two inches beyond my shoulders. Other highlights of the evening included:

* My immediate boss sporting a Top Gun flight suit

* A coworker's husband dressed as John Cusak from Say Anything, complete with a boombox that played "In Your Eyes" which he climbed on stage at one point to play - yes, aloft, over his head, Cusak-style

* My Big Boss sporting a mullet wig, black suit and gold bow tie

* An A-Town 80s cover band that rocked it

* An ATL coworker's spot-on dance performance to "Billie Jean" in his killer white Member's Only jacket

* A half-drunken group sing-along to "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

* The Violinist's unbelievably mad skills on the dance floor

* The Rock Star relenting after many drinks to hit the floor for a couple of songs

* The prom king graphic designer who was the spitting image of The Cure's Robert Smith

* Me, not having The Panic at the disco

Today...

...was the kind of day that I wasn't afraid to climb up into the beer cooler at Publix to reach the last six-pack of Amberbock. I needed it that badly...

Gimme

I just sent out three cover letters and resumes. Somebody give me a cookie. Or a beer. I need a nap.

Leaving: Part Four - Going Back

The Return Trip: Observations & Experiences

* It is an entirely different trip when driving east first and west second. Either way, it is still a long, long drive.

* Coldstone Creamery's cake batter ice cream is sinfully good.

* Downtown Wilmywood is still there - I saw it, walked its streets, smelled its river.

* There is nothing like the dark theater, Coke Icees, and a good friend on either side to pass a rainy Saturday.

* I do not wish to see the movie Joshua, as the preview nearly made me cry with fear.

* Waitress is so wonderful and funny and heartbreaking that I can't stop thinking about it.

* I did not look at my office, as I know it is no longer mine. I did help myself to a complimentary Diet Coke and Skittles from the conference room table.

* The emergence of K. Lo.'s personality is extraordinarily entertaining, between the use of the Red Robin crayon box as a cell phone and her constant parade of dance moves. Bonus moment was hearing her say "yum" when fed potato soup.

* STGD's porch is a good thing with its ferns and flower boxes and the creak of the porch swing and a beer in hand and Lenny looking for lizards and the breeze and the rain. And us laughing. Always laughing.

* Weirdly, it has not rained here or there since I left. Last night, it poured both places.

* Uninterrupted girl time to discuss hair (cuts, color, and styling tips), fashion, boys, and life in general is very important to the soul.

* Mel's cat Oliver has something urgent to say. I only wish I knew what it was.

* It is a bittersweet reminder how good it is to have friends to share a meal, a movie, a magazine, a moment.

* My Southern accent is baaaack.

* Grace Street is occupied now but mine in my heart.

* Still some ghosts lurking in Wilmywood.

* Thanks to Mel, Penelope, STGD, and The Boss for kind and insightful life advice. (And to Mel for letting me crash...)

* Nothing could stop the tears as the riverfront disappeared in the sideview mirror crossing the bridge out of town.

Scrub-a-palooza '06 (or Why I Can Die Tonight)

Don't worry. I'm not planning to die tonight. But if I do, I'll know that my mother will never find the things I found in the kitchen when I decided to clean out the fridge, freezer and cabinets. It was a fairly grizzly scene, as some of the items that wound up in the trash should have met their end a long time ago. I don't clean out like this very often. Which would explain why I discarded

* Not one but two containers of spoiled milk

* At least three containers of chewy-looking ice cream

* Two unidentifiable iced-over meat products (one including a best if used by date of February 2005)

* A box of Cheez-Its that were no longer orange

* A bag of chips that were unopened when I found them but tasted like dust

* Two boxes of Triscuits from an unknown time (following the chips, I did not taste them to determine their condition)

And Mom, sorry that you don't have any cool packs at home. There are no less than 8 in my freezer.

I have since moved on to the bedroom where approximately 26 pairs of shoes have escaped their boxes and the clean laundry from three weeks ago is still in the clothes basket.

Scrub-a-palooza '06 was powered by the music of The Killers, Justin Timberlake, Our Lady Peace, Heather Nova, Saint Etienne and Smashing Pumpkins. Refreshments provided by Elizabeth's Pizza and Michelob Amberbock.

Question

If you eat sushi, which is by all accounts quite healthy, and a pear for dinner, but drink beer with it, is this just total caloric equillibrium? Is this dietary stalemate?

Continuum: A Review

John Mayer's third studio album takes a different turn from his debut smash Room for Squares and its follow-up Heavier Things. The first single "Waiting for the World to Change", which also kicks off the disc, feels like the obvious radio edit put in place to give the pop stations something to play. It's a good song, but the rest of the album unfolds with songs that sound like someone getting back to his roots.

It's got a mellow cool sound with a bluesy edge. Songs like "Gravity" and "In Repair" hearken to a Hendrix-riff while others like "The Heart of Life" and "Stop This Train" go toward a folksy grassroots rock acoustic. "Dancing in a Burning Room" shows off Mayer's talent with lyrics. And "Dreaming With a Broken Heart" has real soul and sadness and a great musical climax. It took me a few listens to get into the sound of Continuum, but now I can't stop listening. Mayer doesn't disappoint. The album makes me think of

* Nursing a cold beer on a Friday afternoon

* That first cool crisp of autumn and woodsmoke

* Streetlights on a wet road

* Sitting at a bar with good friends

* Riding in the car with the windows down and really feeling the music you're listening to

* A great first date and the day you accept a breakup

* A cold street and a warm coat

* The soundtrack to a really smart, satisfying movie

But don't take my word for it.

P.S. Before any of you hardcore music enthusiasts blast me, I am not a qualified music critic. I just like to play one on my blog.

List of Items Preventing Weight Loss

* Remaining 26 Starbursts on the coffee table

* Vase filled with Dove Milk Chocolate squares (also on the coffe table)

* The couch

* Two unopened cans of Pringles (Regular & Salt & Vinegar)

* Sort of stale Chex Mix that I plan to crisp in the oven

* Pint of Haagen Daz Strawberry Ice Cream in the freezer

* Cable TV

* Almost-finished bag of Tostitos Scoops

* Buy-one-get-one-free Nestle Quik Chocolate & Strawberry Milk

* 17 beers leftover from this weekend

* Bag of Snack Size Oreos

* 2 unopened bags of cookies that I forgot to offer guests this weekend (Fudge Stripes and Chips Ahoy!)

* Seemingly unlimited supply of Hershey's Miniatures at the office

* Sam's-size container of Atomic Fireballs in the conference room

* Kudzu (who sets a very bad example of general laziness)

Will hereby commit to taking at least one walk this weekend (not including walk from couch to bathroom or couch to fridge). Otherwise will have to start buying elastic-waist pants so that I will stop outgrowing sizes at current pace.

Stressed to the Nines

Today, I ran around the office like a chicken with my head cut off trying to put out one fire and then another and feeling like I was never really getting something done. I found myself saying, "If I just get through this job, I can relax." But it's not true. After that job, there will be another. And then another.

And as I was discussing with Penelope , who is a stay-at-home Wife/Mommy/Reality TV Connisseur, and Mel, who is a part-time professor, no matter what your "job" is, there will be stress. Even if you don't go somewhere to work and punch in with a boss. There will be the stress of a crying baby or a dirty bathroom or a dwindling bank account. Or, as I worried aloud to one of the women I work with the other day, retirement.

Stress is just one of those many-head monsters that has another head growing just after you've cut one off. And there's one at work and one at home. One for relationships and one for family. Stress, stress everywhere and not a drop to drink. And that's why there's beer.