Oil Spill (Kids' Edition)

Tonight, while serving dinner at the homeless shelter, one of the kids came up to me and asked me my name. "I'm Ashley," I said. "What's your name?" He told me he was Caleb, that he was 7 and that his birthday is August 8, 2003. Charming, right?

Five minutes later he ran up to me, his hands cupped around an imaginary substance. "Do you know what this is?" he asked.

"No," I said. "What is it?"

"It's oil," he shouted. And then he proceeded to throw it on me, pull his invisible flame-thrower off his back and shower me with fire. "I just set you on fire!" he declared gleefully. "You're burning!"

Um, are you seven? Yes. Yes, you are. Am I disturbed? Yes. Yes, I am.