Why, when you know it's not in the best interest of either us, must you always fall in love with men who do not love you back? You and your cursed unrequited pursuits, borne on a wave of saltwater. I would think you'd learned your lesson after repeated smashings, so many pieces to knit together again. And I know that we always do that - find the way with the needle of time and the thread patience to determinedly put you back together.
But this time - these latest times - I wonder why we must always go through this routine of reckless abandon. Of throwing caution to the wind and exposing you to devastation yet again. Of allowing - nay, being willing - to sacrifice you to the great unknown of What Could Be. Those naive hopes are piling up into an altar to What Never Will Be.
Oh, Stupid Heart, to be here again with you is excruciating. Gathering the pieces, wondering if I have them all, wondering if this is the time that maybe, just maybe, parts of you will go missing all together. Will the brokenness be such that it's too much for us to patch? And even if the pieces are found and the mending complete, we both know you'll never work quite the same. These bruises and tears never heal perfectly. Instead, you'll be tattooed with new scars of our failures.
I know, I said our. I blame you, but it's my fault, too. That's why I'm here, kneeling beside you, carefully sewing, trying not to cry when I catch my finger on the needle.
Love (Oh, Misbegotten Love),
Ash
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Dear Stupid Heart:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 cat calls:
If your heart can get broken, you know it's still working.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained...blah, blah.
This is beautifully expressed. Lots of credit to you for taking the risk.
But when you find that worthy someone, he'll be gifted with a heart that feels very deeply...
Agreed, that this is beautifully expressed. And I freaking love that picture.
Lovely writing, as always.
Hard as it might be, your heart--always so wide open--is what makes you you. And what makes you so very loved by everyone who loves you most.
i don't know you, but i feel you. it's better rocking about on the waves feeling the sunlight every now and again as you say, than sleeping safe in some underwater cave.
Post a Comment